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These Tools Build the Resolve You Need in the New Year

A new year, even a new decade is upon us! For many people, this seems like a perfect time to set goals, as if a turning calendar will magically make those decades-long goals seem possible. If you’ve tried to set goals in the past without much luck, don’t worry! Try these psychology-based skills to build your “resolution” to do whatever moves you most!

Have a Partner

Ask any preschooler if they want a friend to help, and most will say “yes!” This is because most tasks are easier with a partner, even if the partner cannot actually help. The role of social and emotional support, as well as accountability, is vital to achieving your goals. Sure, it can be nice if your best friend commits to going to the gym every day, or if your partner agrees that less TV and more quiet nights spent reading would be great, but even if your loved ones are pursuing different goals, you can still find ways to support one another. Spending time apart , but still thinking about one another, can help build positive feelings and commitment. If one person seeks to walk for an hour a day, and another seeks to read for an hour a day, these activities and celebrations of accomplishments can be done together to build positive mood. Even better, these tools can improve your relationship  with your partner!

Make it Routine

No matter what new habits you are trying to establish in 2020, make it a scheduled routine. Why? Because it makes it easier for your brain to switch to the task and actually get started. Set alarms if you need, post a visual calendar, but once you’ve built a routine for a few weeks, you’ll notice yourself actually missing your goal task!

Use Intention Cues

Intention cues are a great tool that psychologists in Highlands Ranch teach to children and adults alike. These cues serve as primers to get started on a task, and facilitate it getting done. For example, if you want to start your morning tech-free and with journal writing, plop that journal right down next to your toothbrush as a reminder. The phone, of course, should be banished to a drawer or other place where it can’t distract. Making clear intention routines (I will tidy up the living room immediately after dinner while my partner washes the dishes) will give even the least motivated person an internal reminder to get going again.

Just a Little…

If you’ve ever been stuck pushing a car stuck in ice and snow (and who hasn’t?), you know that the hardest part is getting it started. In fact, you can often get lucky and get rolling again after just one big push. Keep this metaphor in mind when you feel zero motivation! The hardest part of any task is getting it started, so try doing just a little and see how you feel. Not into sorting your old clothes for donation? You don’t have to do it all. Just do one piece of clothing, or set an alarm for two minutes and see how you feel after that. If you really still aren’t feeling it, give yourself a break! But often, just getting started will start that momentum and get you rolling again.

For little goals, these tips can be just what you need! However, if you’ve tried everything you know and are still struggling with lack of motivation, challenges in your marital relationship, or something else, don’t hesitate to call Dr. Steve Lazarus for expert psychological assistance.

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What Parents Need to Know about “Cancel Culture” in the New Year

If you haven’t heard of one thing (or a hundred others) getting “canceled” in 2019, get ready. The trend is only predicted to grow stronger in 2020! Unlike a few years ago, “canceling” isn’t just what a TV network does for an underperforming show, nor is it the end of a product line. Today, we don’t cancel things, we cancel people. Read on to find out more about the “cancel culture” and how it may be affecting your kids!

A Good Start

Today’s “cancel culture” grew out of a variety of great movements, including those to expose sexual abuse, racism, and political incorrectness. Most people are on board with cutting off attention to a poorly behaving sports player, sexually inappropriate celebrity, or others who are truly violating the rights of others. Many people, previously considered “too big” or “too important” to be subject to criminal charges in the past have been “canceled” in today’s world, showing the public opinion strongly.

A Wild Witch hunt

Like any good thing, cancel culture went a little overboard. Most people now have heard of media shows, politicians, or specific celebrities being “canceled,” and this cancellation is about more than their broadcast rights. Today’s “canceling” is more like the old tradition of shunning—an utter disregard and rejection of the person or entity who is deemed worthy of canceling. There is no “un-canceling”—in cancel culture, mistakes live forever. In private spaces, such as middle and high schools or social media venues, this is often identical to bullying, and heavy amounts of peer pressure  often cause even the kindest of teens to purposefully start excluding or “canceling” their peers, even for minor or pointless things such as saying an off-color comment or simply “not fitting in.”

How to Help Your Kids

Has your teen been “canceled” by bullies? Or, perhaps, are they the valiant leaders “canceling” all their friends? In any case, today’s children need a reminder to focus on empathy, forgiveness, and learning . Even if your child’s best friend said something truly awful, racist, or offensive, ask your child to consider if this has been consistent with their past behavior. If it isn’t a pattern, it may be a better opportunity to share insight and help one another grow. Likewise, if your child has been “canceled,” work make sure that he or she is still safe from bullying, up to and including working with the schools and the parents of the bullying children. Working with a skilled adolescent psychologist in Littleton can help to build self-esteem and communication skills that can prevent these sorts of problems.

Calling others out on their poor behaviors and helping them to recognize and change these behaviors is a worthy goal. Shunning, excluding, and “canceling” friends and family is a manipulative, hurtful tool. Help your child to see the difference and build stronger relationships.