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Here’s How Boundaries Make Your Relationship Stronger

Psychology thought experiment: What’s stronger? An empty egg carton, or an empty cereal box? Which holds up better to pressure, like stacking weight?

If you answered “egg carton,” you’re correct! But what do kitchen recyclables have to do with relationships, and why would a psychologist in Littleton ask such a weird question? Keep reading to find out how boundaries make your relationships stronger!

Strong Relationships During Calm

If you lay the empty boxes next to each other, they’ll look about the same height. Without any pressure, the cereal box will hold its shape, and nobody looking from the outside will know any difference. However, you know that the egg carton is stronger because it has all those little egg-shaped compartments inside—with strong, sturdy boundaries in between each one. If the wind blows or the another box is placed on top, the egg carton will still hold it shape, but the cereal box will start to flop. This is a great way to think about your boundaries with others, because it works the same way! A relationship with strong, sturdy boundaries prevents enmeshment and resentment, problems that couple’s therapists in Littleton tackle regularly. Putting a little distance between the two “sides” of your relationship helps it to maintain its integrity without letting the sides get too close.

Build Your Relationship Stronger During Stress

As more weight gets put on the cereal box and the egg carton, the winner is clear—the cereal box has no chance! Similarly, if you let your relationships grow bigger and bigger without building strong boundaries in between, those relationships are far more likely to crumble under pressure. This is especially true for setting boundaries during the holidays! So how can you reinforce those boundaries? First, you need to define the shape of your egg—or, your own needs. Like an egg, your emotional needs, support requirements, and needs for alone time and time to recharge are completely unique and can be a little fragile. Is your “egg” shaped like the need for alone time after work? Does it “fit” perfectly into a “no discussing politics with the in-laws” rule? Once you have carefully considered your needs or worked through them with your trusted psychologist in Highlands Ranch, build a structure that supports this, just like the carton supports the egg. It can’t be too rigid—there’s a reason we don’t store eggs in glass containers—but it must be strong enough to withstand pressure.

 

 

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What is Executive Functioning, and How do Psychologists Help Kids With ADHD Build These Tools?

Does it ever seem like your child is so “checked out,” “disorganized,” or “unfocused” that they don’t know whether they are coming or going? This happens to everyone—on occasion. However, for adults and children with ADHD, this is the everyday state of affairs. While only the best psychiatrists and psychologists in Highlands Ranch typically diagnose ADHD, parents and teachers usually notice challenges way sooner. The problem lies in the executive functioning capabilities, which include working memory, flexible thinking, and self-regulation. It’s what helps us manage our time, plan our tasks, and get everything done, just by remembering. Some people call it the “secretary of the brain,” because, when it works well, it functions just like a business secretary would!

However, for people with ADHD, the secretary is always “out to lunch.” Without that important feature, the brain starts to get scattered, disorganized, and misses appointments! For an adult, this may look like missing bills, being late all the time, or never being able to keep the house clean. For kids, this turns into incomplete homework, missing easy items on tests, “daydreaming,” and can sometimes make a child look like he is “not-listening” on purpose. For the kid who is distracted by “everything and nothing,” executive functioning skills need a boost! How does your child psychologist in Littleton help your children boost these skills? With practice and carefully planned tools, of course!

One of the first things your psychologist will do when he or she starts working with your child is to help him identify his emotions. Having a strong understanding of how feelings and functioning connect is a good starting point, because nobody’s executive functioning skills are good when their emotions are too high. This often includes exploring where these feelings happen in the body, and what can make them better or worse. Once your child is on his way to keeping his feelings and body in check, other tools can be added to build memory, organization, and focus tools. Just like training a new employee, kids have to train their brains to work in new ways, and a psychologist in Littleton is a great trainer! Through activities like planning and organizing crafts, practicing mindfulness and meditation, completing puzzles and projects, your child will learn how to flex these “brain muscles” and keep their attention in control—instead of letting it control them. Play therapy can be a great way to engage kids in their own process.

If your child is struggling greatly with time planning, organization and decision-making, focus and attention, distraction, or “listening” when told what to do, ask yourself if their “executive secretary” may be out to lunch for good, then call a child psychologist in Highlands Ranch to start the next steps!