How Play Therapy Can Help your Young Child

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Race, Protests, Police, and Rights: How to Talk to Kids

In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, people across the world found another major thing to talk about: race relations and police actions in the United States. While this sort of news is challenging for adults to process, children can have big questions that need careful answering. These top tips from a Littleton child psychologist can help you to have a big, difficult conversation with your child about vital current events.

Avoid “All or Nothing” Thinking

Human beings naturally make generalizations, and this is even more true in children who are trying to form an understanding of the world. As an adult, your job is to guide your child into considering other viewpoints. For example, a child might ask “are all police bad?” or “aren’t all criminals bad?” Make sure to emphasize that all people, no matter what race, age, or occupation, can be good or bad. There are corrupt police officers who make bad decisions, and there are citizens who break the law. On the other hand, there are also accused criminals who have done nothing wrong, and amazing police offers who keep people safe.

Address Systems

For younger children, stick with general rules about treating everyone fairly and being respectful. For older children, you can start talking about systems. While most fifth graders will struggle with concepts of systemic bias and institutional racism, they understand systems concepts such as tradition, habits, and patterns. Have a conversation with your child and see how he understands race in America, what her experiences are with police, or what they would do if they felt their rights were being violated. Have they ever done anything that would get them “canceled ” in today’s media playground? Can they make up for those mistakes? Have your child consider how these experiences would be different if their skin were lighter or darker. Remember, there are no right or easy answers!

Staying Safe

Many older children and teens are participating in protests, and those who aren’t are often watching them on TV and social media. How do you keep them feeling safe and secure during a pandemic  and riots? As a parent, you are probably already addressing the physical needs—keeping them in safe areas, loading them up with masks, and limiting screen time. For parents with children of color, you might share your own experiences and best advice for managing racial tension and dealing with police. Many children have additional questions about violent protests, riots, and vandalism, or find themselves frightened or anxious after witnessing these events. Help your child by placing the events in context, such as encouraging your child to consider the tradeoffs of property destruction versus drawing attention to lives being lost. If your child seems excessively upset after witnessing or participating in protest events, don’t hesitate to contact a teenage psychologist in Littleton to work through the issues.

Today’s children are facing very high demands, and they need strong adults to support them through these challenging times! Get additional advice and support in Highlands Ranch and call a skilled child psychologist today to set up an in-office appointment or telehealth child therapy appointment. With evidence-based treatments like cognitive behavioral therapy, trauma-informed treatment, play therapy, and animal-assisted therapy, your child will feel strong and able to manage these challenges!

 

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How To Strengthen Social Skills From Home

Formal education systems have many benefits that go beyond academic instruction. Just like the workplace for adults, school provides children with a place to go, a purpose, and many opportunities to practice socialization, conflict negotiation, and self-regulation. With most children out of school since Spring Break, and questions being raised of whether they will truly return to brick-and-mortar education in the fall, many parents are calling their expert child behavior psychologist in Littleton with a big question: how can I make sure my child doesn’t fall behind socially? Read on to find out some key social strength  areas you can help your child build from home!

Initiating Play and Friendships

This is one of the hardest tasks for people of all ages. Whether your kindergartener was hesitant to ask another child for a push on the swings, or your high schooler is rejoicing at the fact that they don’t have to find a place to sit at lunch anymore, attending to the very first stage of friendship is so important. With digital technology, these same challenges can present themselves. How do you help your child reach out to friends and make plans? Keep in mind that younger children do not have the same sense of time and urgency that adults do—they may whine all day to see their best friend, but forget a play date the next day. As an adult, help to model good skills like scheduling appointments, setting reminders, and being accountable for social time.

Self-Regulation Promotes Good Socialization

Even the friendliest of children can struggle if they cannot regulate their own bodies, words, or feelings. Even when your child is home alone away from other children, she can build these skills. When you bring your child for play therapy in Highlands Ranch, your play therapist may suggest helping your child to learn and label her feelings, express disagreements in a productive manner, and practice tools to calm down and relax. Practicing these skills at home can be a great opportunity to develop these skills for the future.

Agree to Play!

Unlike play with other children, much play between adults and children is educational or serving a purpose. While instructive play is a great way to practice skills, free play is a vital part of helping your child  build his imagination, creativity, and problem-solving skills! If you can carve just five minutes out of your day, invite your child to lead a free-play session. The only rules are that everyone stays safe and respectful, and you have to follow your child’s lead! This isn’t the time to prompt for colors, math, or spelling—but a great time to challenge your child with ethical dilemmas or outright silliness! Worried about being a “good enough” playmate for your younger child? Don’t be intimidated—let them tell you what to do and feel free to make mistakes. Set a timer so you and your child both know when special play time is over for the day.

Today’s children are facing so many challenges as they try to live their lives behind closed doors. As we keep their futures in mind as parents, educators, and healthcare providers, it is our job to help them build a strong foundation to launch from once things calm down. While most kids have some struggles, if you feel that your child has been severely traumatized, regressed in social skills, or is showing emotional concerns, don’t hesitate to speak with a skilled child psychologist in Colorado. Most providers are doing telehealth child psychology by video, with socially distant in-person services for those in need. Dr. Lazarus and Zeke would love to visit with you soon, so call now to find out how to make a positive change.

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The Importance of Social Connection

When was the last time your child had a play date? How long has it been since he has been able to swing past other kids on the monkey bars, give a high five, or get a hug? During the COVID19 pandemic, these little things we used to take for granted disappeared seemingly overnight. Unlike a move, where kids get to say “goodbye” to their friends, the urgency of the situation caused many social outlets to close overnight. Child behavior psychologists in Littleton know just how important social connection is, especially for our kids. Read on to find out some great tips to cope and maintain those connections while staying socially distant and healthy!

Telehealth visit

Everyone seems to be making good use of modern technology to connect, but this is typically easier for older children and teens. Younger children, and many children on the autism spectrum, struggle to engage in the video calls. This is normal! Videos take the life, interaction, and a good deal of body language out of communications, even with one’s best friend or family members. Here are some tips to make your telehealth visit more effective:

  • Schedule a time and stick to it. Anticipating the fun of the “visit” is part of any playdate!
  • Make sure lighting is bright—sunlight works best.
  • Help kids connect by planning a shared activity like a shared video game or favorite show to watch.
  • “Show and tell” is fun for younger kids. Completed puzzles, drawings, or LEGO constructions are perfect for showing off.
  • Keep it short. When attention spans fade, frustration builds.
  • Always monitor your child’s safety while using internet technology.

Plan for the Future

The tips above are great, but many kids (and, let’s admit, many adults!) are tired of video conferencing. Why not start a plan for the future? Help your child plan an exciting summer BBQ, fall birthday party, or anything else they can look forward to? This is a perfect way for older children and teens to stay occupied and hopeful. For anxious children who may worry about having to attend school or interact with friends again, this can be a good time to plan some safe, fun activities. If your child is having problems sleeping, decides he or she never wants to return to school, or is showing signs of depression, don’t hesitate to contact your favorite children’s play therapist in Littleton! We can provide parent interventions, telehealth, and will transition smoothly to in-person sessions when it is safe.

Make it Special

Many families have special routines or treats for when a child is ill—a forbidden soda, exotic tropical fruit pops, special homemade soup. When the child thinks back later in life, these special treats don’t offset unhappiness, but they do provide the rainbow during the rainstorm. What special things do you have to help your child maintain social skills during these times? Does your teen meet her BFF for coffee every week? Surprise them both and have a beverage delivered for her and her friend during chat time! Does your little one love to surprise his friends with gifts? Order one for each and unbox together over video. Five years from now, you want your child to look back and say “remember when we were quarantined and did this? It was so much fun!”

On a final note, keep in mind that as much as you and your child can try to make this situation better, it is hard. Don’t pretend it isn’t—let your child know that you are struggling sometimes, school friends are struggling, even adults are having a hard time. Then, remind them that we can get through this together!

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A story about a bad dog!

Zeke, my therapy dog, is not a perfect dog. He’s a good dog. At one point however, he was a terrible puppy!

When he was a puppy, he decided it would be great fun to jump our fence at her house and chased deer in the neighborhood. Being handy, I raise the height of our fence by several feet. The first time I let Zeek outside, he saw a group of deer. He ran and then easily jumped the taller fence. He then proceeded to chase the deer in the neighborhood for most of the rest of the day before I was able to catch him.Photo by Sander Weeteling on Unsplash

Because of his bad behavior it made me think of options to help Zeke. Should I find him a better home? Should I send him to the well-known prison dog training program? I decided to call and in-home dog trainer. He did a thorough assessment of our situation and we decided the best course of action was for Zeke to work with the trainer at the trainers’ home for three weeks. When Zeke returned home, he was a completely different dog. He was obedient, he listened to commands eagerly, and most importantly, when he was off leash, he responded to the commands come and stay.

Our next step was to enroll Zeke in advanced dog school which occurred for the next several years. During this time, seek was trained and obstacle courses, off leash work, and received his advanced canine good Citizen certification. We went on to do specific training with professional therapy dogs of Colorado which certified Zeke and I as a certified therapy dog team.

For the last seven years, Zeke has been coming to work four times a week and puts smiles on many people’s faces every day. He loves coming to work. He is playful, loving, and always happy to see people. Zeke is not a perfect dog, but because of some of the mistakes and problems he had when he was younger, we made some choices as a family that helped him to grow into the wonderful dog that he is today.

The reason I’m writing about Zeke today is to remind parents that kids mess up and make many mistakes. We want kids to make mistakes because kids can learn a lot when they mess up. It is our hope that by making mistakes when you’re young, we don’t make the same poor decisions when we are adults and for the most part this is true.

Just want to wish all of you health and happiness as we work through this difficult time and give you a funny story about my labradoodle.

Dr. Steven Lazarus
Child psychologist

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These Top Tips Help Kids Feel Secure During a Pandemic

At no time in your child’s life has the world ever been quite the way it is during the 2020 Coronavirus outbreak. Whether celebrating the surprise time off school, missing friends, or just wonder what is going on, your children have questions. Child and teen psychologists in Littleton know that the best communication with children needs to answer questions, provide reassurance, and at times be very honest. Here are some answers to help them understand and cope during these challenging times, broken down by age range.

Under Fives: The Preschool and Younger Crowd

For your very young child, less information is more. When talking to young children about disasters, keep communication short, simple, and reassuring. “We have to stay at home so people don’t get sick from the worst flu ever” or something similar is enough. Your child likely understands what it means to be sick; feel free to remind them about the last time they had a sore throat or cold. If they ask difficult questions about death, don’t lie. Promising that mommy, daddy, or grandparents won’t die is an empty reassurance and may not be true. Instead, focus on what you are doing to make it better—staying home, washing hands often, and covering your coughs. For a great visual demonstration of why soap is important, set up a demonstration using black pepper, water, and soap—see this viral post on a kindergarten teacher’s Instagram account  for video!

Grade School: 6-11

Elementary school students are at a unique age  where they can understand very well what is going on, but may have questions they are afraid to ask. Further, their lives are happily structured around routine, which you will need to help recreate. Think of an elementary school student’s day, marked by bells, guiding teachers, and friends—now think of how your home can become a similarly predictable environment during the “school day.” Many kids are still on Spring Break, which opens doors for permissive fun and tons of free time. But even the most fun-loving grade school kids will start seeking a routine—often in the form of “mom, I’m bored! Dad, there isn’t anything to do around here!” Find out what your elementary student’s school is doing during the outbreak and make it a part of your home life. Just like the youngest, keep communications simple and fear-free, but honest. Older children are more likely to be interested in reading the news themselves, or connecting facts to what they are learning in school. Make sure to help your child choose age-appropriate, accurate sources of information. Avoid personal blogs and opinion pieces and stick to public health sites for the most accurate information. Always remind your child that the adults have a plan in place to stay safe.

Middle and High School: 12-Adult

Your nearly grown-up child may seem to be handling this like an adult, but this is a scary situation with real repercussions. As schools close across the nation, seniors in high school are realizing they might miss out on once-in-a-lifetime fun events and worry about their prospects in college. Help your child to connect to the bigger picture and take action by searching for volunteer opportunities or other ways to actively help. Let them know it is okay to mourn for these experiences, no matter how trivial they may seem in the “grand scheme” and encourage them to stay involved with friends, family, and studies. Take old school traditions and creatively do these using social media.

For children and adults of all ages, don’t hesitate to open up and share feelings about the event. Avoid panic or drama, but it is okay to let your kids know that you are worried, frustrated, and, yes, even bored. Always share the ways that you manage these feelings , because your kids will be looking to you for advice! If you need additional support, child psychologists in Colorado are working hard to sanitize our in-person offices, as well as to provide telehealth support.

 

 

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How to Maintain Play Therapy Progress During Social Distancing

If your child has been seen for play therapy in Highlands Ranch or Littleton, you know how important it is to get right in there, in person, and engage. Further, since play therapy is typically geared toward kids aged seven and younger , the importance of being in-person is even greater. Unlike tweens and teens who are fairly comfortable by phone, screen, or video (and who may even prefer it!), younger children often rely more heavily on body language, touch, and physical distance and space to create meaning. But in a world where staying home is the best health advice, different strategies must be adopted. Here are three great ways to maintain your play therapy progress during social distancing.

Model feelings and empathy.

A pandemic is the perfect time to model pro-social activities such as empathy, helping others, and compassion. Telling your child “we have to stay at home to keep everyone from getting sick” shows them that their temporary discomfort has great benefits. If relevant, use real-life examples like neighbors or grandparents and emphasize how we are helping others by making good choices like staying at home. Express gratitude  for health, family, and safety. Share your own frustrations, worries, and sadness in an age-appropriate way, and show your child that life still goes on while one is worried or bored. Help your child express these feelings through words, or bust out some art and music supplies for a multi-sensory feelings activity.

Schedule a parent session with your Littleton child behavior psychologist.

During the outbreak, psychologists in Littleton and Highlands Ranch are considered essential employees. This means that we are typically able to continue working unless we become sick or our entire building closes. In addition, many Littleton psychologists are offering telehealth services. While your little one is not likely to want to interact with a video psychologist, this can be an important time for parents to learn behavior management tools, parenting strategies, and to receive support.

Try a formal parenting tool, such as PCIT or 1, 2, 3, Magic.

If you feel you are in over your head (or, if you just have so much time on your hands you need a side project), try a formal parenting intervention tool. Parenting tools such as “1, 2, 3, Magic” are available online and focus on decreasing negative behaviors while increasing positives, all while strengthening the parent-child bond. Parent Child Interaction Therapy, or PCIT, is a structured form of engagement that turns you, the parent, into the therapist, encouraging emotional expression, prosocial behaviors, increased verbalization, and deeper connection. While this sort of therapy is often done using a room with a two-way mirror, telehealth could be a great setting. To find out more about these tools, contact your child psychologist in Littleton.

If you do schedule a telehealth visit with your psychologist, make sure to have your child “visit,” even if he or she is not able to engage very long. This will preserve the relationship and allow your child the chance to tell their therapist all the great things they’ve been doing. Just because everyday life has slowed down, it does not stop. Prepare today for a successful tomorrow.

Learn more about play therapy

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Lighten Up with These Replacements for Everyday Activities

As the full force of the Coronavirus outbreak sweeps the world, negativity is almost as detrimental as disease. From panic buying to the actual death rate, this can seem like a pretty bleak time. Fortunately, your family psychologist in Littleton knows some tricks to make the best of this bad situation. Read on to find out some light ways to replace everyday activities that might make the day a little easier.

Score More Screen Time!

For kids and teens, the silver lining to this time might be a chance to score more screen time! Child psychologists and pediatricians typically recommend no more than an hour or two of screen time  for children, but during these circumstances, we make exceptions. A great rule of thumb is to consider your child’s previous screen time allowance and maintain this—but schooling, visiting relatives, or seeing your child psychologist by telehealth should not cut into it! This way, your child does not feel like they “miss out” or “waste” screen time on studying, calling loved ones, or getting important mental health treatment.

Learn in Place

Did you know Ivy League Schools are offering free classes? Especially for those sheltering in place, learning must be addressed. Some schools have online curriculums ready, while others are shutting down and considering summer sessions. Don’t let your child’s education slide! Help them learn in place (and help around the house) by engaging in cooking, cleaning, and home projects. Learn to play an instrument, take a drawing or photography class. Engage in a Lego challenge. Older children can conduct internet research, write poetry and blogs, and practice taking college entrance tests. Life doesn’t have to stop, it just has to stay inside.

Enjoy a Fancy, Restaurant-Style Dinner

Missing family dinner night? With restaurants closed, this could be the perfect opportunity to engage the whole family in recreating a restaurant-style dinner. Set the table with the nice dishes, bring out some tablecloths and fancy napkins, and even create a menu—this is the perfect activity for grade-school and middle-school kids to explore. Practice manners during dinner at your “Family Restaurant” so you don’t get stuck gobbling down meals on the couch!

Host a Concert or Movie

Your favorite entertainment venue is closed, so why not play pretend at home? This could take the form of a DJ set, where each family member gets to play their favorite songs, a sing-along concert or lip-synching contest, or even a “movie viewing” with your favorite snacks.

Go Visiting

Many of the world’s most amazing landscapes, museums, and art collections are available for virtual tours. Why not take a “family visit?” Have family members take turns “directing” the visit (such as advancing the webpage, zooming in, reading captions out loud), or even plan a shared virtual trip with family across the world! This can be a fun way for younger children to connect to distant relatives, as attention to a face on a screen can be quite low.

Remember, you can still go outside and play , as long as you stay away from others. Don’t forget to enjoy some physical activity during this period of quarantine! For more ideas and support during this process, contact Dr. Lazarus, psychologist in Littleton.

 

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5 ways to help your child while they are stuck at home with online schooling.

We all need to work together as families and communities to deal with the current situation, social distancing, and risk of illness.  Here are some ideas for how to be successful with your kids for online schooling.

 

  • Have a consistent sleep schedule

 

Make a consistent bedtime every school night and wake up time in the morning. This is not only important for younger kids but for teens. (maybe it’s a bit later since kids don’t have to be at school so early. Have the kids take a shower, brush their teeth, have a healthy breakfast and get ready for the day.

 

  • Develop a plan for your school schedule

 

Develop a school schedule that allows your kids to remain focused and not get distracted. Perhaps, 9-10am School, 10-1030am, go outside and take a break. 10:30-11:30, school.  Lunch.  Quiet activity or something outside.    Any remaining school.

 

  • Create a distraction free environment

 

Have a computer/ Chromebook set up in such a way that your kids won’t get distracted easily.  Maybe create a quiet workspace.  Perhaps a kitchen table, office set up could be helpful.  Try to turn off on your wifi YouTube and other game sites during school times that could distract your kids.  Be mindful of distractions such as TV, kitchen noises, iPad/ phones. Have kids charge their devices away from their learning areas.  They can’t use their phones during classes at school, they should not have them during classes at home. (some exceptions may apply: such as a group chat for a high school class).

 

  • Get your kids more active

 

Encourage dog walks, shooting hoops, kicking a soccer ball, a short run.  Get outside with your kids. You have a unique opportunity to actually spend more time with them as most of us can’t go to work. Consider it a gift.

 

  • Incentivize getting things done

 

If your kids can do some of their work independently, they are showing great maturity and responsibility.  Their good choices are allowing you to do your work.  Track this on a chart or contract with your kids.(visual).

 

Maybe have a movie night on Friday (at home), grab some ice cream and have an ice cream sundae party.  Have a family game night.  Go for a hike, family bike ride, snowshoe excursion, fishing, make some fresh cookies with them.  Find ways to keep your kids happy, motivated and allow for some opportunities for them to help you and your family.

 

Finally, allow for some more creativity and flexibility in your approach to your kids and home routines.  Maybe some more online (with friends) gaming is allowed at this time. (not too much).  Maybe we can do some more with skype, facetime, webcams to communicate with our friends and families.  Take out those old board games, Legos, and books. Be kind to others.

If I can be of support to your kids or to you as parents during this difficult time, I am available still for face to face meetings in a quiet and safe set up and also am offering virtual (telehealth) therapy.

Dr. Steven Lazarus

You can click here to find out more about Dr. Steven Lazarus, child psychologist

 

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Beat Bullying Blues With These Tips

As long as there have been people, there has been bullying. But just like our other methods of social communication change over time, bullying has evolved to meet today’s needs—moving today’s bully off the playground and onto your child’s smartphone. Many parents find themselves seeking a teenage psychologist to help their child work through bullying issues. No matter what sort of bullying your child is facing, these expert tips can help!
Teasing vs. Bullying
One of the most important things to help young children understand is the difference between teasing (which can be fun, cruel, or somewhere in-between) and bullying. Bullying is a pattern of repeated behavior that puts one person below the other. On the other hand, best friends who tease each other equally about silly comments, questionable fashion, or daily events are usually exploring the healthy boundaries of a relationship. Help your child by asking questions such as “were you laughing when your friend was teasing you, or did it really hurt your feelings?” or “does your friend let you tease him that way?” Keep in mind that bullying is not always active; excluding and shunning others, such as today’s “cancel culture” is devastating for social wellness.
The Bystander Effect
Repeated research has shown that, while kids can stand up for themselves and be assertive to bullies, it doesn’t always work. In fact, even a well-planned, assertive request to stop bullying may cause more bullying! What works better is to turn the social situation against the bully. When a bystander intervenes, including the bully victim’s friends or even uninvolved peers, the bullying is less likely to occur. Bullies “feed” off of the victim’s fear, but also “feed” on the attention they get from others. If they get the message that their “cool” classmates think they are “uncool” because they are bullying, they are more likely to stop. Teach your child to stand up for others!
Don’t Feed the Trolls
Perhaps the most difficult tool to learn for fighting bullies, ignoring is often the best technique. No reaction = no fun, so the bully usually stops. However, your teen may not approve of this option—she doesn’t want to look weak or passive! Instead, try some distraction techniques. If a bully is criticizing your child’s clothing, instead of responding with frustration, encourage your child to give a compliment in return. So, the comment “your shirt is so stupid!” can be met with a simple “okay. I think your shirt is really cool. Where do you buy your clothes?” Most bullies will be so thrown by the unusual response that they will give up—eventually.
Stay Safe
For lower-level bullying, your child can arm herself with strong social skills and tools to cope, respond in ways that don’t increase the bullying, and seek the help of friends. A teenage psychologist or child psychologist in Littleton can help build advocacy skills. However, if your child is ever put in physical danger (hitting, choking, kicking), if he is feeling so harassed he is thinking about hurting himself or others, or if the bullying is sexual in nature, do not hesitate to get the proper authorities involved. This usually starts with the school and the other child’s parents. If you do not get a good response or feel your child continues to be in danger, you have the right to contact police for a more formal resolution—even if the bullying occurs in school.
Bullying isn’t just about playground fights. Help your child grow strong and confident to manage these challenges and feel respected, safe, and supported. For more help, don’t hesitate to contact Dr. Steve Lazarus!

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These Gifts Build Emotional Skills and Strong Relationships

The biggest gift-giving season of the year is upon us, and that makes many parents wonder “what are positive gifts to give my child this holiday season?” If you’re like the many parents who ask their trusted child psychologist in Littleton about the best ways to help your children grow and thrive, you may be seeking input on some great gift ideas. Check out some great toys and “tools” that can build stronger relationships and improve your child’s communication and emotional expression skills.

Games

Child and teenage psychologists know just how important a game can be in building up a relationship, starting a conversation about a hard topic, or just having fun. Whether your child is interested in classic board games, card games, or even digital games, make sure you pick something collaborative. Group games, role-playing games, and party games are great way to promote social skills and creativity.

Building Sets

Creativity, concentration, and exploration are top-needed skills for the next generation. Help your child develop these with building sets! The classic LEGO blocks are always fun, but don’t forget magnet connections, beads, slime, or anything else where you child gets to create a project and see it through. For the tech-savvy future engineer, digital building experiences can be just as innovative and inspiring!

Experience

For the kid who has too much “stuff,” try a gift of experience! This could be tickets to a movie they’ve been waiting to see, a visit to a skating rink or bowling alley, trip to an escape room, or anything else that captures their interest. For a relationship boost, participate in the experience with your child, or consider a gift to siblings, best friends, or others who could use a closer relationship. What to wrap? Have fun wrapping the tickets in the biggest box you can find, stuff them in a stocking, or including an accessory that tips your child off to the fun that is to come!

Journal

The humble journal, diary, notebook, or sketchbook has had a place in human history since we first put burnt sticks to cave walls. Writing out one’s thoughts and feelings can help to develop language skills, self-control, and reduce anxiety and depression, so start your kids early! For younger kids, it helps to share your own examples of what you write, and encourage both writing and drawing to express feelings.

Feeling prepare for the gift-giving season yet? Remember, even if they don’t seem to notice, the best gift you can give your child is love, attention, and positive parenting. Memories last forever and cost nothing to make!