The Importance of Gratitude This Holiday Season

During the time of year when gifts are being exchanged everywhere one looks, parties are being held, and charity participation is at its highest, the words “thank you” pop up everywhere. As many couples counselors in Highlands Ranch know, gratitude can go much further than the moment, creating lasting benefits for both parties. If you want to deepen your bond with others  and boost your own mood this holiday season, give gratitude a try!

For Them

It seems like common sense, but it is worth repeating: we boost the moods of others when we thank them, and we give positive feedback that makes this sort of behavior more likely in the future. Think about the last time someone was truly grateful to you—and expressed it. You may have felt a little embarrassed if you struggle with confidence, but in general, sentiments of appreciation make people feel appreciated. Their hard work in choosing something that is a perfect fit for you shows, so let them know! Gratitude tip: thank the effort, not the product. “Thanks for the brand new car—I love it!” sends a message that you love the car. “Thank you for custom-ordering my favorite color, having my favorite radio stations pre-set, and knowing me so well you got the perfect features!” sends a message that you love the gift-giver and all their hard work!

For You

Psychology secret: Gratitude does more for the “thanker” than the receiver. When you thank someone or otherwise express gratitude, it cues your brain to focus on the positive. People who express gratitude to others are less likely to report feeling depressed, more likely to report feeling engaged and connected, and have deeper relationships. Gratitude tip: Depth matters. A quick “thanks,” is nice, but some studies have shown that writing approximately a one-page letter to thank someone has even more benefits—for the person doing the thanking. Dust off that old stationary or fire up your email and try writing a long-form thank-you letter to someone you love today!

For More Than Gifts

If you think carefully, you have much to be grateful for, even if the holidays are stressful . If you are reading this post, you are literate—or you have the resources for a screen reader. We often take these things for granted, but when couples seek therapy in Highlands Ranch, we often focus on how these things taken for granted are really things to be grateful for. This holiday season, don’t just give thanks for gifts—thank your partner for being a wonderful mother or father, thank your children for being themselves, thank yourself for making it through another year.

Gratitude can be a wonderful tool to improve your daily mood and relationships with others. However, if these tools aren’t working, consider calling Dr. Steve Lazarus to work through challenges in couples therapy.

 

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These Gifts Build Emotional Skills and Strong Relationships

The biggest gift-giving season of the year is upon us, and that makes many parents wonder “what are positive gifts to give my child this holiday season?” If you’re like the many parents who ask their trusted child psychologist in Littleton about the best ways to help your children grow and thrive, you may be seeking input on some great gift ideas. Check out some great toys and “tools” that can build stronger relationships and improve your child’s communication and emotional expression skills.

Games

Child and teenage psychologists know just how important a game can be in building up a relationship, starting a conversation about a hard topic, or just having fun. Whether your child is interested in classic board games, card games, or even digital games, make sure you pick something collaborative. Group games, role-playing games, and party games are great way to promote social skills and creativity.

Building Sets

Creativity, concentration, and exploration are top-needed skills for the next generation. Help your child develop these with building sets! The classic LEGO blocks are always fun, but don’t forget magnet connections, beads, slime, or anything else where you child gets to create a project and see it through. For the tech-savvy future engineer, digital building experiences can be just as innovative and inspiring!

Experience

For the kid who has too much “stuff,” try a gift of experience! This could be tickets to a movie they’ve been waiting to see, a visit to a skating rink or bowling alley, trip to an escape room, or anything else that captures their interest. For a relationship boost, participate in the experience with your child, or consider a gift to siblings, best friends, or others who could use a closer relationship. What to wrap? Have fun wrapping the tickets in the biggest box you can find, stuff them in a stocking, or including an accessory that tips your child off to the fun that is to come!

Journal

The humble journal, diary, notebook, or sketchbook has had a place in human history since we first put burnt sticks to cave walls. Writing out one’s thoughts and feelings can help to develop language skills, self-control, and reduce anxiety and depression, so start your kids early! For younger kids, it helps to share your own examples of what you write, and encourage both writing and drawing to express feelings.

Feeling prepare for the gift-giving season yet? Remember, even if they don’t seem to notice, the best gift you can give your child is love, attention, and positive parenting. Memories last forever and cost nothing to make!

 

 

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Try These Three Tips for Taming Thanksgiving Tension

Are you ready for the biggest family holiday season of the year? Thanksgiving is coming on the late side this year, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be prepared well in advance! Many people seek couples therapy in Highlands Ranch right before the holiday season, asking their couples counselor questions such as “how can I deal with my mother in law?” “what is an appropriate way to set limits with the grandkids?” or even “how can I escape family Thanksgiving?” If you find yourself wondering these sorts of things, don’t worry—you can tame this Thanksgiving season with a few great strategies . Here are three top tips from your psychologist!

  1. Make plans, but leave them “loose.” One of the biggest challenges during the holiday season is what to do with everyone! Are you a family that loves to spend days in the kitchen preparing food? What about those who aren’t such great cooks? Are you dreading the family football game, where you will inevitably fall on your face? Having activities that suit everyone, or at least a few options, can reduce tension and make everyone more at ease. Try having at least two activities ready at any time, but keep things casual. Leave plenty of room to be flexible and have fun!
  2. Work through your limits and set boundaries accordingly. Boundaries and limits are for you, to make sure you have a good time. When you find yourself wondering “how can I stop this person from making me feel _________” and solving that problem, you have likely set a boundary. This may be for your own health (“sorry mom, I’m only having one slice of pie this year so I don’t feel sick later”) or to protect your loved ones (“sorry nephew, but my kids aren’t allowed to play inside of the oven because I don’t want them to burn up”), but no matter what, you must value your reason and make it clear to the other party why you need it. Don’t feel bad to ask for what you need! When you explain your boundaries to others in this way, they are more likely to be respected. For more help with boundaries, consider talking through challenging situations with your animal assisted therapist in Highlands Ranch, or check out a longer article on setting holiday boundaries.
  3. Find at least one good thing for every bad thing you notice. This is a great perspective-changing exercise, and can even be a fun family game if your family is full of “negative Nancys.” Instead of noticing that the turkey legs burnt and fell off, comment on the deliciously browned and crackly skin. Don’t linger on the watery cranberries, complement the host on the attractive decorations. When your 2-year-old niece launches into a full-out meltdown that makes your ears ring, thank your teens for not fighting with each other this year. This doesn’t mean that unpleasant things aren’t happening, but focusing your attention on the positive will improve your mood and that of others!

If these steps are not enough, or if the stress of the holidays is taking a toll on your marriage, consider working briefly with a couples counselor in Highlands Ranch. This Thanksgiving, enjoy a warm, friendly holiday and share this with others!

 

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Are You Developing This Top-Needed Skill in Your Child?

From specialized preschools to educational apps for toddlers, today’s parents are more concerned with their children’s success than ever. But are these tools teaching the top-needed skill of the future? In most cases, the answer is “no,” but don’t worry—you can help your child develop flexible mental skills that will prepare her for tomorrow’s success, whatever that may look like. The number one anticipated skill needed in the future? Focus! Read on to find expert tips to improve a child’s concentration from a psychologist in Littleton.

Why Concentrate? Can’t We Multitask?

In the modern world where we get hundreds of signals each minute, many ask, why focus on concentration? Isn’t it better to be good at multitasking? In truth, humans are awful at multitasking! It typically takes longer than doing the two tasks at separate times, increases anxiety and frustration, and makes it more likely that you will make mistakes. In fact, when hospital nurses wear clear signs telling others they are busy and not to be bothered, they make up to 70% fewer errors! The same is true for your child.

What Does Concentration Look Like?

Concentration is difficult to define. Many people think of concentration as military focus, fixating on one’s task like a soldier until it is finished. In reality, human ability to concentrate goes up and down, just like your running ability. Sometimes you can “sprint,” at other times, you would benefit from a rest. When your child is concentrated, he is focused mentally and physically, engaged in the task, and thinking a lot—about that task. This state is easily disrupted, and it can take up to 15 minutes to re-engage once concentration is broken! For some kids, wiggling or fidgeting can actually improve mental concentration; for others, a silent, distraction-free environment is a must.

Fun Activities to Build Focus Skills

Now, the real fun! How can you build focus skills in your child? Try these great tips:

Increase mindfulness by playing “I spy” or a variation on the game where each person tries to notice something new.

Play concentration-based games like “memory” cards, hidden object pictures, or turn-taking games.

Read! Reading for just 15 minutes decreases stress and promotes the deep focus that so many kids struggle with today.

Draw. Even tracing a design or copying from a photo builds attention to detail and focusing skills.

Check the basics. Is your child getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, and checking out at the annual physical  or well-child exam?

Timers. Little kids love being timed for most things, but even teens may be surprised by how long a task takes. For a science twist, have your child predict whether it will take longer to do tasks at the same time or separately and let science be your answer! Other fun experiments include “homework with cell phone vs without cell phone ” and “getting dressed in the morning with and without music playing.”

Ready to build concentration skills today? Try these great tips! If your child’s concentration challenges are causing distraction, concern with teachers, or if your child feels he just can’t ever focus, consider contact your trusted Littleton child psychologist for further evaluation and strategies.