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My Child Doesn’t Talk in Therapy. Are They Getting Anything Out of It?

Making the decision to bring your child to see a child psychologist in Littleton is an important one, and one you have probably considered carefully. After all, you wonder about your child’s future mental health, your parenting strengths, and the costs of those sessions. So if you observe that your child does not talk, or if your child reports “we don’t really talk at therapy,” should you be worried? Is it a waste of time, or is your child getting something out of those sessions? Keep reading for insight into the process of therapy and counseling with kids and teens.

Play Therapy for Pre-School Kids

If your child is very young, such as those in preschool or kindergarten, you may be working with a play therapist in Highlands Ranch, or at least a child psychologist well-versed in play-based therapy. Unlike adult talk therapy, play therapy is all about experience—just like your little one learns! Because children at this age have a limited vocabulary, your child psychologist will work to understand her needs in different ways, such as her actions, facial expressions, and reactions. Every action is communication—words are not always necessary. By celebrating successes, guiding expression, and providing new and different opportunities to approach and solve problems, your child is learning without talking very much.

Therapy for Elementary School Children

This is the age where kids often tell their parents (quite proudly) “we didn’t talk at all today!” That’s because children this age often lack insight into the deeper meanings of things, and may not see the connection between role-playing, pretend play, and other tools used by child psychologists to create behavior change. For a child who is being bullied, talking about it can feel like torture. However, playing a game where all the soldiers in the castle pick on the littlest soldier, only to have that soldier save the day later, can boost confidence and remind the client of his strengths—without all that “talking.” Children will often express their needs through play, such as repeatedly being drawn to toys representing past traumas, current hurdles, or specific emotions.

Talk Therapy For Teenagers

By the time your child is in middle or high school, they’ve probably moved past the toys and games and are ready for what looks like “adult” therapy. But parents can be frustrated to find out that their child spends the session talking about their favorite TV show, the fun they had with their friends, or seemingly “random stuff.” Once again—every action is communication. Exploring the role of feelings and relationships through fantasy (like TV shows or video games) is the big-kid version of playing with toys. It allows the child to explore those things without the real consequences, or to imagine life at its extremes.

When you bring your child or teenager for therapy in Littleton, don’t fixate on “how much” or even “if” they talk. Your child or adolescent psychologist is adept at interpreting communications of all kinds, and changing behavior through interactions. Call today to start seeing change.

 

 

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New 2022 study shows Pandemic caused increased internet addiction

Here is a recent study that came out in 2022 indicating some key points of the effects of internet addiction.

People from the study defined with severe internet addiction were 8x more likely to have depression, 9x anxiety and 14x more likely to have both depression and anxiety

The study highlights the ongoing impacts of the pandemic and how it negatively impacted people.

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Here’s How Boundaries Make Your Relationship Stronger

Psychology thought experiment: What’s stronger? An empty egg carton, or an empty cereal box? Which holds up better to pressure, like stacking weight?

If you answered “egg carton,” you’re correct! But what do kitchen recyclables have to do with relationships, and why would a psychologist in Littleton ask such a weird question? Keep reading to find out how boundaries make your relationships stronger!

Strong Relationships During Calm

If you lay the empty boxes next to each other, they’ll look about the same height. Without any pressure, the cereal box will hold its shape, and nobody looking from the outside will know any difference. However, you know that the egg carton is stronger because it has all those little egg-shaped compartments inside—with strong, sturdy boundaries in between each one. If the wind blows or the another box is placed on top, the egg carton will still hold it shape, but the cereal box will start to flop. This is a great way to think about your boundaries with others, because it works the same way! A relationship with strong, sturdy boundaries prevents enmeshment and resentment, problems that couple’s therapists in Littleton tackle regularly. Putting a little distance between the two “sides” of your relationship helps it to maintain its integrity without letting the sides get too close.

Build Your Relationship Stronger During Stress

As more weight gets put on the cereal box and the egg carton, the winner is clear—the cereal box has no chance! Similarly, if you let your relationships grow bigger and bigger without building strong boundaries in between, those relationships are far more likely to crumble under pressure. This is especially true for setting boundaries during the holidays! So how can you reinforce those boundaries? First, you need to define the shape of your egg—or, your own needs. Like an egg, your emotional needs, support requirements, and needs for alone time and time to recharge are completely unique and can be a little fragile. Is your “egg” shaped like the need for alone time after work? Does it “fit” perfectly into a “no discussing politics with the in-laws” rule? Once you have carefully considered your needs or worked through them with your trusted psychologist in Highlands Ranch, build a structure that supports this, just like the carton supports the egg. It can’t be too rigid—there’s a reason we don’t store eggs in glass containers—but it must be strong enough to withstand pressure.

 

 

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What is Executive Functioning, and How do Psychologists Help Kids With ADHD Build These Tools?

Does it ever seem like your child is so “checked out,” “disorganized,” or “unfocused” that they don’t know whether they are coming or going? This happens to everyone—on occasion. However, for adults and children with ADHD, this is the everyday state of affairs. While only the best psychiatrists and psychologists in Highlands Ranch typically diagnose ADHD, parents and teachers usually notice challenges way sooner. The problem lies in the executive functioning capabilities, which include working memory, flexible thinking, and self-regulation. It’s what helps us manage our time, plan our tasks, and get everything done, just by remembering. Some people call it the “secretary of the brain,” because, when it works well, it functions just like a business secretary would!

However, for people with ADHD, the secretary is always “out to lunch.” Without that important feature, the brain starts to get scattered, disorganized, and misses appointments! For an adult, this may look like missing bills, being late all the time, or never being able to keep the house clean. For kids, this turns into incomplete homework, missing easy items on tests, “daydreaming,” and can sometimes make a child look like he is “not-listening” on purpose. For the kid who is distracted by “everything and nothing,” executive functioning skills need a boost! How does your child psychologist in Littleton help your children boost these skills? With practice and carefully planned tools, of course!

One of the first things your psychologist will do when he or she starts working with your child is to help him identify his emotions. Having a strong understanding of how feelings and functioning connect is a good starting point, because nobody’s executive functioning skills are good when their emotions are too high. This often includes exploring where these feelings happen in the body, and what can make them better or worse. Once your child is on his way to keeping his feelings and body in check, other tools can be added to build memory, organization, and focus tools. Just like training a new employee, kids have to train their brains to work in new ways, and a psychologist in Littleton is a great trainer! Through activities like planning and organizing crafts, practicing mindfulness and meditation, completing puzzles and projects, your child will learn how to flex these “brain muscles” and keep their attention in control—instead of letting it control them. Play therapy can be a great way to engage kids in their own process.

If your child is struggling greatly with time planning, organization and decision-making, focus and attention, distraction, or “listening” when told what to do, ask yourself if their “executive secretary” may be out to lunch for good, then call a child psychologist in Highlands Ranch to start the next steps!

 

 

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Walking the Tightrope: How to Communicate with a Sensitive Partner

Does your partner ever seem a little… sensitive? Can you hear yourself pausing and hesitating before delivering anything that might be construed as criticism? Or do you just keep it to yourself, letting “little things slide” and also some big things? Couples therapists in Highlands Ranch know how much of a toll this can take on both partners. Today, we’ll discuss the best ways to communicate effectively with your sensitive partner.

Step 1: Understand how and why you see them as sensitive.

Unlike clothing at a retail store, people don’t come with labels. Before you try to change your communication, get a better understanding of yourself and your partner—what do you see or experience that makes you categorize your partner as sensitive (or touchy, crabby, high-strung, or whatever other label you choose)? Are they like this with everyone, or just you? Is everyone like this with you, or just your partner? Be willing to recognize your part in the problem—people in relationships tend to fall into cycles, escalating each other’s behaviors. Working with a psychologist in Littleton can help you and your partner understand the reasons behind these behaviors.

Step 2: Focus on your behavior and emotions

You can’t control other people, and you certainly can’t control their emotions. You also don’t have to. There is no need for you to feel responsible for how someone else feels—as long as you are doing what you know is right. If you politely ask your partner “what time is your appointment today?” and they snap at you, that is not your problem. Whatever set them off is not because of you. Instead of getting defensive, think of your behavior—were you asking politely? Using a proper tone? If you are confident that you were behaving appropriately, let your partner have their feelings. At the same time, recognize when your behavior or emotions is triggering the sensitivity—if you ask “what kind of idiot would have done something like this?” you can see why your partner could be upset! Keep your own reactions in check for the best communication, and make sure to avoid passive aggressive comments.

Step 3: End the “Blame Game”

When problems arise in your relationship (and they will!), whose fault is it? Hopefully, if you read the header, you skip assigning blame and move right onto solving the problem. To do this in real life, try to eliminate names and personal pronouns from your communications for a moment. Simply describe the problem, and the solution, if there is one. Instead of “YOU left the laundry in the washer overnight again so it stinks and you need to re-wash it,” try changing your statement to “the laundry was left in the washer overnight and stinks, so it needs to be re-washed.” Your partner knows what they have and haven’t done, so don’t rub it in their face. Likewise, try changing a statement like “between your whining and my yelling, we’re never going to get any of this work done!” to something more neutral, such as “there is a lot of work to do today, we’re going to have to stay very focused.” Remember, it doesn’t matter who caused what, or why the problem happened—what matters is that you, as a couple, must work together to find the solution.

Are you ready to communicate more effectively? These tips are a great place to start, but sometimes, a third-party is the most helpful tool in evaluating your relationship. If you live in Highlands Ranch, couples therapists and skilled psychologists help people strengthen their relationships and see eye to eye every day. Whether you are the “sensitive” one in the relationship, or you want to communicate better with your “sensitive” partner, you can learn valuable tools to improve. Dr. Steve Lazarus and his trusty therapy dog, Zeke, have helped hundreds of couples communicate better and strengthen their marriage!

 

 

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What is Play Therapy, and How Does it Help My Child?

For adults and older children, most of the best psychologists are using well-known, evidence-based practices, like cognitive behavioral therapy. These “talk therapy” methods use tried-and-true methods of changing thinking patterns to help people live a fuller, healthier life, by helping people understand their actions, reactions, and thoughts. But have you ever asked a preschooler “why” she did something? From punching the kid sitting next to her, to crying for hours after dropping a penny, your child may not know why. This could be because she lacks the language to express the feelings, doesn’t remember, or just doesn’t understand cause and effect like adults do. Fortunately, there are many other ways to help children understand and work through their problems. Play therapy services in Littleton can help your child process tough situations and manage feelings, even when they can’t “talk” about them. Keep reading to find out why!

Language is not their first language.

Just like all mammals, humans play as soon as they are able. In fact, most children start playing years before they speak, and continue to play heavily as their verbal skills grow. Adults may be familiar with learning a second language, but most of us don’t remember what it was like before we had words to structure our lives. For young children, play fills this void. Play helps a child to explore the world around him, to test limits, and to communicate without the words they haven’t learned yet. In children’s play therapy in Highlands Ranch, you may never hear your child use the word “angry.” But when The Hulk smashes everything in sight, the mommy doll throws the baby doll out the window, or a giant elephant stomps all over the city, your child is likely trying to master and understand the feeling of anger. Concrete, hands-on representations of emotions are the natural way for children to communicate.

Hush up and listen!

Lots of parents say “I just wish my child would open up to me!” Imagine if you tried to tell someone about your problems, but they would only listen if you spoke in a silly, made-up accent. Every time you tried to speak, they cut you off with an irrelevant question, or corrected you, or told you “we’re not talking about that, now!” Most people would shut down very quickly. Unfortunately, this is what children constantly live with. Their little brains are just figuring out how to make connections between concepts, and how to keep unrelated things separate, but they need practice. Everything is personal, and if they must jump through too many hoops to get their point across, they usually won’t. Play removes these limits, allowing children to communicate to their best abilities. When they realize that an adult listens to them ramble about their favorite Pokémon, their fluffy pets, or the really, cool thing they saw at the store the other day, they know that this is an adult that will listen. Once the barriers are removed, the child can feel more comfortable talking about anything and everything.

Play therapy is usually used with children 7 and younger but has shown strong promise in the research for children with learning differences, ADHD, and those on the autism spectrum. In fact, some psychologists are looking into play-based therapy for adults! If you have a young child, or even an older child who has struggled to connect with behavior-based or cognitive behavioral therapy, play therapy is an important option. Contact a skilled child psychologist in Littleton today and help your child play their way to happiness!

 

 

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Handle The Stress Of Holiday Planning During a Pandemic With These Tips

It seems hard to believe, but we are about to enter the holiday season in the middle of a global pandemic! As if this time of year wasn’t already stressful enough, you have to try to plan your season around the risk of illness. How can you manage the stress, and how can you keep your relationship strong through the challenges? Highlands Ranch couples therapists share top tips!

Tip #1: Embrace the Difference. The 2020 holiday season will not look like seasons of the past—it just can’t. Instead of feeling angry or sad about the changes, try to embrace the differences. Does your family go on vacation for the holidays every year? Maybe this will be the year to start a new tradition. Do you always dread having the family stay at your house for days? That Zoom dinner might sound a lot better! Certainly, there are things that will be missed, but new opportunities are always available. If the changes are affecting your relationship, this is a great time to seek counseling and couples therapy. Couples psychologists in Littleton are available in-person and by telemedicine to help you have a stronger relationship and a better holiday season.

Tip #2: Feel the Grief. Just because you appreciate the new opportunities doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t grieve the loss of your normal experience. During the Thanksgiving holiday, you want to make sure to give thanks, but don’t feel locked into good feelings. From lives to jobs to security, many people have lost things during this pandemic, and it is okay to grieve. Talk with your partner about how the changes have affected your relationship, and give yourself the time you need as a couple and as an individual to process and come to terms with this grief.

Tip #3: Enjoy Home. For most people, this year’s holiday season will be spent at home, with members of the same household, like you’ve probably been doing for months. Make sure your home is as enjoyable as possible by clearing up clutter, adding some festive decorations, and maybe even splurging on some new entertainment if it is in the budget. Practice gratitude and consider all the good things you have in your life—even if it is far different than before.

Tip #4: Cut some Slack. 2020 has been a great year to practice self-care and compassion—for yourself! Keep this vibe up through the holiday season and remember to take time to relax. If you hate cooking, order catering, or let the kids try their hand at making dinner (with supervision for younger ones). Maybe your house isn’t as full of relatives as you would like, maybe the meal isn’t a 5-star success, maybe you end up feeling like it is “just another day.” In any case, use positive self-talk to remind yourself that you are doing the best you can. Support your partner by giving these same reminders, and try to let the little things go—for you, and for others.

The holiday season is always stressful, and never more so than during a pandemic! It is normal to be very “in your feelings” during these times. If you find yourself feeling more angry than usual, wishing your partner would just go live in someone else’s quarantine bubble, or if you just can’t communicate, consider visiting an expert couples therapist in Littleton to help work through these issues. Dr. Steve, psychologist in Littleton, has helped many couples to work through challenges and come out stronger in the future. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help when you need it!

 

 

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These Fun Games Help Your Child Build Focus Skills

One of the biggest challenges that today’s children—and adults—face is staying focused. From helping children with ADHD pay attention in class, to building the deep attention skills needed to do critical analysis and complex work, concentration and focus skills are so important. In fact, many parents in Highlands Ranch seek ADHD counseling because their son or daughter “just can pay attention.” In a world where screens, advertisements, and a hundred other things are vying for their attention, how can you help your child focus? These fun games are a great start!

I Spy

Remember the classic road-trip game? “I Spy” can be a fun way to build focus skills while also encouraging your child to pay attention to the world around them. Even better, it helps to promote some social skills, such as following gaze (that trick you used where you would watch the other person’s eyes to see what they were “spying”), listening carefully, and giving and receiving feedback. For younger kids, start with easy items—the clothing they are wearing, big pieces of furniture, and so on. For younger kids, this game can be even more fun when you focus on tiny details—the button on their sleeve, the decorative ornament hanging in the doorway, little details.

Find It or Hidden Object Games

Whether you clip a hidden object scene from the weekly newspaper or hook your kiddo up with a cool app, games that ask kids to find hidden objects, spot differences between two pictures, or anything else that promotes carefully attention can be a fun way to boost these skills. Child psychologists in Littleton sometimes give these sorts of fun, skill-boosting activities as homework, because it helps build on the very skills we want to help kids learn—close attention, focus, and commitment.

Card Games

No matter what card games your family loves, it can be a great way to teach kids to focus. You can buy a set of pre-made game cards, or explore classics like Go Fish, Crazy 8s, or War with any old deck of cards you have lying around. The important part is that the child needs to pay attention to when it is their turn and what cards are being played. For older kids who don’t mind play “consequences,” a fun rule is to skip anyone who isn’t paying attention on their turn (make sure to let yourself “unfocus” and miss a few turns yourself to make it fair). For younger kids, you can focus more on the strategy of the game—a little card counting won’t get them kicked out of the family card game, and will make everything more interesting.

Does your child have difficulty focusing and paying attention? If so, there are a number of ways to help her get back on track so she can enjoy her schooling and recreation time. While some kids may have an underlying condition that makes it hard to focus, like ADHD or anxiety, many kids are simply caught up in our everyday world of stimulation and distraction. Help them flex their focus-muscles with some fun and games! If your child seems to have an extraordinary challenge staying focused, and it is interfering with school or daily living, call a child behavior psychologist in Littleton for more help.

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This is How to Breathe Easier in Your Mask

Love them or hate them, masks are becoming ubiquitous during the COVID-19 pandemic. Despite conflicting messages put out by public health officials earlier in 2020, leaders and individuals are quickly recognizing the utility of masks, and more cities, states, and businesses are requiring that masks or other facial coverings be worn. For many, things introduces a huge challenge: the feeling that you can’t breathe. Fortunately, your trusted psychologist in Littleton has some tips to help you breathe easier with tools we use in our everyday practice.

Balance Acceptance and Control

In any situation, we can choose to accept the challenges or try to change them. However, we can only change what we are in control of. What are you in control of when you wear a mask? While it may seem like this choice is “forced” upon you, keep in mind that you still have control of when you go out for recreation and what style of mask or facial covering you wear. Remind yourself that you don’t have to like it, you just have to do it. Explore different types of materials and fastening styles (for example, behind the ears, around the head, wrapped into a creative hair style) and see what feels the least uncomfortable. Increase your feeling of control by choosing a facial covering that suits you.

Practice Deep Breathing

It sounds cliché, but your breathing affects your mood significantly! Just like professional divers train to reduce their oxygen intake by remaining calm, you can learn to feel less out of breath in your mask. Healthy people do not experience significant changes in blood oxygen levels, even while wearing dozens of layers of surgical masks—what most people experience is a perceived change in oxygen, or shortness of breath. A racing heart uses even more oxygen, worsening this feeling! For those who battle panic attacks or anxiety, this can feel similar to the shortness of breath that occurs with anxiety triggers. Familiarize yourself with deep breathing tools, or talk with your couples therapist or psychologist in Littleton to learn breathing techniques to help you stay calm. Practice breathing slowly and deeply when you are relaxed, trying to exhale for twice as long as you inhale, and notice how different your body and brain feel when you take deep, relaxed breaths. This trains your body to fully expand and relax your lungs, bringing more oxygen to your brain.

Increase Exposure

People who are required to go to work or school in face masks are reporting that they adjust more quickly—some even share stories about forgetting they are wearing a mask! However, if you are staying safer at home and not going out as much, you may only have a facial covering on to visit the pharmacy, or when you come to your couple’s therapist office in Highlands Ranch. Exposing yourself to triggers of stress or anxiety is a time-tested way of reducing those unpleasant feelings. It seems counter-intuitive, but slowly increasing your exposure can help you to feel less uncomfortable. Can you tolerate wearing a mask while sitting in front of a fan at home? (hint: strong airflow gets that “stale” air moving around and cools you off.) What about while reading a book without a fan on? Work your way up to wearing the mask occasionally while performing household chores, or while going out to check the mail. This is also a great time to adjust, fix, or modify your mask, since you are not in contact with anyone else.

As we all adjust to new requirements and recommendations, we need new skills and tools. Deep breathing and relaxation can help with the general sense of anxiety during these challenging times, as well as helping you to breathe easier. If you are struggling with these changes, or if the added stress is taking a toll on your marriage or children, don’t hesitate to contact Steven Lazarus, Psychologist in Littleton.

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Managing Back to School Stress During A Pandemic

The back to school season has always been a mixed bag for parents and kids, but during the COVID-19 pandemic, these challenges can seem amplified. Are you and your family ready for Back-to-School: Pandemic? Child psychologists in Littleton share their top tips for managing stress and getting the school year off to a good start!

Tip #1: Tackle the Uncertainties

One of the biggest challenges facing children and teenagers in Colorado as they consider starting school again is what that schooling is going to look like! Will your study be in-class part-time? 100% online? A hybrid model? If you answered “yes” to any of these, you’re already a step ahead. Unfortunately, many school districts have released conflicting information, and some of the future remains up in the air. This can be frustrating for anyone, but especially for children with anxiety, learning challenges, or those on the autism spectrum. Help your child by addressing as many uncertainties as possible. This may include sharing updates from the school with older children and teens, or could be limited to reassurance for younger kids, such as “you will go to school or learn at home every day from 9 a.m. until 3 p.m., and do homework or read a book for one hour every night.” Try and draw on routines and schedules that have worked well in the past. Some parents are choosing 100% online schooling during the pandemic to eliminate the runaround, hassle, and anxiety of all the changes.

Tip #2: Recover the Routine

If your child’s routine went out the window in a cloud of disinfectant, or if summers are always a “free-for-all” anyway, you’ll want to reconnect with your routine. In addition to the “big” uncertainties in life, most people do best with structure and routines that add predictability. This is the time to start bringing back reasonable bedtimes, limits on gaming or non-school screen time, and make sure meals, fun, and rest are a part of the everyday!

Tip #3: Explore Fears and Expectations

Kids are all over the board with their feelings on the pandemic. While some seem unfazed, others are expressing anxiety, clinging, and disruptive behavior. Children and teens with health anxiety are more likely to be stressed during these times, and disruptions to intensive behavioral therapies and supportive tutoring have been a challenge for special needs students since the end of the last school year. Talk with your child about what she is worried about, and why. Open discussions about your experiences and provide appropriate reassurance. If the concerns seem to go beyond typical childhood worries, contact a child or teenage psychologist to help your child build coping skills or to assess for more than situational challenges.

Tip #4: Model Flexibility

We’ve all been asked to be flexible since the start of the pandemic, and this trend will only continue. Likewise, we must find ways to help children and teens be flexible during this time. As parents, you’re being watched closely! Remember, your feelings influence your children, so if they see that you are constantly rigid, frustrated, or anxious about the situation, they are likely to feel similarly. Share your frustrations and feelings, and encourage your child to do the same, but always show how you can adapt and be flexible. You can help them build the same strong skills needed to adapt to any challenges life throws at them.

The 2020 school year is likely to be filled with challenges for our children. Social skills, academic skills, and emotional regulation skills have been disrupted for months in addition to the challenging status of the world. If you feel like you or your child are having a harder time than other families, or if your child is refusing school or experiencing significant setbacks, call a Littleton child psychologist to help rebuild skills.

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