Dr. Steven Lazarus is an expert child psychologist and teen psychologist in Littleton, CO. This page is dedicated to giving parents different parenting strategies in their work with their children and teenagers.

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Is Your Teen Suffering From Senioritis? How Parents Can Help

Every spring, it’s the same story: Graduating seniors at high schools around the country come down with a case of “senioritis.” While it may not sound all that serious, senioritis poses enough of a problem to make universities sit up and take notice. In fact, a 2012 article in The New York Times notes that an increasing number of colleges are reviewing students’ grades during their final semesters — and some schools are even reducing financial aid availability, placing would-be students on academic probation or, worst case, rescinding admission offers if performance drops too much!

If your teen is displaying signs of senioritis, such as plummeting grades, laziness, a dismissive attitude, or missing days of school, it may be time to step in. Here’s how you can help.

Scheduling

Seniors typically have a lot going on, from dances and sporting events to studying and after-school jobs. All of these activities can be overwhelming, and a teen with senioritis may be tempted to just let their responsibilities slide.

Provide your teen with the tools to keep on track by helping them set up a scheduling system. Whether it’s a dayplanner, calendar or digital device, organizational tools will help reduce stress during senior year, and teach valuable skills for the years to come.

Performance Check

Though its best to try and refrain from nagging or yelling at your teen — most likely, it won’t help and it might even backfire — you’re still their parent and it’s your job to ensure that they’re still pulling their weight, academically speaking. Even if they’ve already gotten that college acceptance letter, academic performance still matters.

The study habits they develop now will carry over to college, and if they’re procrastinating, cutting corners and letting their grades drop, they’re much more likely to run into trouble during their freshman year. Remind your child that the strong skills and habits they’re developing this year will make a huge difference when they’re out on their own; have them think of the extra effort as an investment in their future success.

Talk to Them

The transitional stage between the end of high school and the start of college is fraught with uncertainty. On one hand, kids are excited to end their childhood, leave home, and go off into the world. On the other hand, they feel anxious about leaving their friends, families and the regular routines they’ve followed for years. These conflicting emotions of grief, loss and exhilaration may lead to distraction, lack of academic focus, restlessness, and a tendency to simply “let it slide.”

Help your child work through these feelings by talking to them. Let them know that what they’re experiencing is very normal. Most kids experience some sort of senioritis, and a bit of acting out is to be expected.

However, if your child’s behavior seems as if it’s veering out of control or you suspect substance abuse issues, depression or anxiety, it may be time to seek professional help.

Dr. Steven Lazarus is a licensed teen psychologist and child psychologist in Littleton, Colorado. He can help your family work through issues like senioritis together.

Sources:

http://www.nacacnet.org/studentinfo/articles/Pages/Senioritis.aspx http://education.cu-portland.edu/blog/classroom-resources/four-strategies-teachers- can-use-to-prevent-senioritis/

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201301/finishing-high-school-and-senioritis-academic-letdown http://www.drmarlo.com/?page_id=837 http://thechoice.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/18/university-sends-fear-of-god-letter-to-students-with-senioritis/

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15 Reasons Animal Assisted Therapy Works

Animal assisted therapy can be more effective than traditional talk therapy because:

1) Animals can increase a person’s motivation and participation in therapy.

A person who is resistant to coming into traditional therapy may be more excited to come in and interact with the animal present.

2) Animals can help build trust with the therapist and can make the therapy room feel like a safe place

When a person learns about the therapists animal, if begins to develop a connection between the person and the therapist. This creates trust between them, allowing the person to feel safe and not threatened.

3) Animals can improve everyone’s social interactions

Animals are playful, funny, spontaneous, and sometimes even moody. Animal assisted therapy breaks down social barriers and enables easy communication.

4) Dogs offer unconditional acceptance

A dog is always happy to see you. He will not judge you, hold a grudge, and is happy to see you no matter who you are.

5) People may identify with certain animals or characteristics of animals

Did you ever play the animal game growing up? “If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?” People may use animals as metaphors for problems in their own life. They may identify with personality characteristics in animals and relate them to themselves or other people they know.

6) Animals can help people relax when anxious or upset

Research shows significant changes in peoples physiological arousal when in the presence of an animal. Clients can also focus on ways to relax, slow their breathing, and gain control of their feelings.

7) Animals can provide support for us socially and emotionally

They allow us to want to be social. Animals show their feelings directly, allowing us to learn how to be more free in expressing our own feelings. They allow us to learn different ways to communicate.

8) Some people have difficult connecting with others

Animals provide a unique way for people to learn how to develop strong and intimate bonds and break out of awkward or distant connections with others.

9) Animals make learning new things easier

Every opportunity with an animal can present opportunities to learn something about yourself or others around you. Their presence allows for people to learn quickly and easily what might take much longer in traditional therapy.

10) The presence of an animal in therapy allows for the focus to be on the animal instead of on the client

Feeling less pressure to open up or having to answer questions actually allows for people to open up more quickly and deeply as the animal disarms our normal defenses.

11) Animals may help children who have ADHD

Imagine asking an ADHD child to do three things and complete all of them. They probably will have a great deal of trouble doing this. However, asking these kids to take three steps in training a dog can often be completed. This teaches sequencing, follow through, and patience.

12) A person may see his or her own feelings and issues in the animal

Sometimes, it is easier for us to deal with a problem if we first see it in another person or animal. We develop strategies for how the animal could work out the problem. This then leads to us being more open to doing similar things for our own problem.

13) Dogs are funny and playful

Their playful nature and energy is contagious. Quickly, people are playing and relaxing during a session.

14) Animals promote empathy and nurturance

Animals can help us develop the ability to be empathic toward others. Caring for animals teaches us how to care for ourselves and others.

15) Animals can improve self-esteem

As a child interacts with an animal, they may learn something about themselves or others. For example, they may teach a dog a new trick. This allows a person to feel competent and develops self esteem.

 

Loosely taken from: Professional Therapy Dogs of Colorado: Handler’s Guide and Training Manual. (2012).

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The Furry Therapist: How Dogs Aid Psychotherapy

Therapy DogResearch and my personal observations show that a well-trained therapy dog often is a patient’s best friend during counseling sessions. Brief interactions with therapy dogs can decrease production of the stress hormone epinephrine, reduce blood pressure and decrease anxiety.

Dogs can be ideal healers if they themselves are loved, treated well and properly trained for animal assisted therapy (AAT). They excel at therapeutic interactions — such as cuddling up against a withdrawn child — and give love unconditionally. Friendly, non-judgmental and well behaved, an animal assisted therapy dog helps put a patient at ease.

That’s a good description for my furry co-therapist, Zeke.

A Seeing Heart Dog
Zeke quickly tunes in to the moods of young children, teens and adults troubled by a wide range of problems including autism, child abuse and neglect, obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Not only is he one of my most loyal and trusted friends but also one of my best resources for relaxing patients. Zeke helps patients reduce their anxiety and feel comfortable.

Zeke does this with restraint. He gently approaches patients only when they welcome him and give permission through their words and actions. Of course, as an AAT dog he is also trained to pay close attention to my carefully directed cues. Zeke is what some therapists call a ‘seeing heart dog.’

During these interactions, I read the body language — both of Zeke and patients who may be having trouble sharing — to gain valuable information that helps me understand patient states of mind and what questions to ask to facilitate discussion.

Nothing to Sneeze At
Zeke generally won’t make you sneeze or feel itchy. He is a Labradoodle, which means he is part Labrador and part poodle. As with poodles, Labradoodles are hypoallergenic and usually don’t cause allergic reactions.

Similar to both breeds, Labradoodles are gentle and intelligent. So Zeke is well cut out for care giving and aiding in problem solving. His fur and his loving concern are nothing to sneeze at.

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Ways Parents Can Help Their Children Deal With ADHD Challenges

All parents want the best for their children. One way in which parents can have the greatest positive impact on their children’s lives is by teaching them to learn to deal with life’s challenges effectively, both emotionally and physically. Parents of children with ADHD have the added difficulty of helping their children learn to deal with some additional behavioral and academic challenges.

Create Structure For Your Child

One of the things that is most helpful to all ADHD children is added structure. As a parent, you can create structure by establishing certain predictable routines. These routines encourage your child to develop habits that they can continue to use for the rest of their life.

 

Establish specific times for going to sleep and waking up. Also make sure that you create a routine associated with your nighttime and morning routines. For getting up, your child may have to make their bed, get dressed, brush their teeth, and be ready for breakfast at a certain time. The bedtime routine may involve a bath or shower, laying out their clothing for the next day, and organizing their backpack for school. Perhaps story time or quite time. Try to stop all electronic devices including TV 1 hour before bedtime. Don’t allow TV or electronics in the morning until all things that they have to do are complete, if at all.

 

Regular healthy meals and snacks can have a tremendous impact on the ADHD child’s ability to focus and behave. Their attention span and anger issues seem to increase when they are hungry or tired.

Schedule a specific time for homework, and make sure that the area where your child does their homework is neat, organized and free from distractions. Don’t expect your child to be able to sit still and do their homework for two hours straight. Break down their tasks into smaller chunks. If they can only study for a half an hour, plan to give them a five-minute break. An important goal may be to get the child to be able to study and focus for longer periods of time, always allowing for regular short breaks.

 

Take Advantage of Online and Local Resources

Helpguide has a lot of useful information, including advice for teachers, recommendations for things to do in a classroom, and important tips that parents can use to encourage their child to complete their homework assignments. CHADD (Children and Adults With Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is an organization that offers all sorts of different resources, including information about ADHD, blogs, links to local chapters, and information about finding support.

Explore All Treatment Options

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry provides a lot of answers to the typical questions that parents may have regarding ADHD. The site is also helpful for explaining the different types of treatment that are available for the disorder. A child psychologist can formally assess ADHD and discuss various treatment options. An ADHD therapist may be useful for helping you as a parent learns strategies that can help your child. An ADHD child psychologist specialist may help your child come to terms with ADHD and learn about self-acceptance.
Recognize that dealing with ADHD is something that will involve the entire family. It will take time for any therapy to begin to work, but it will also take time for you to learn better ways to relate to your child.

 

Dealing with ADHD is a continual learning process for everyone and will change as the child gets older. A commitment to helping a child, encouraging them and learning new coping strategies will ultimately benefit them greatly.

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To Spank or Not To Spank

Let’s face it: Effective parenting is tough. While it definitely offers amazing and wonderful rewards, the day-to-day challenges can feel exhausting and exhilarating – sometimes even all at once!

Learning effective parenting skills takes time, and it’s often a process of trial and error. One issue that many parents agonize over, and many child development researchers disagree on, is spanking.

Every child — and every family situation – is different, so there’s no universal “right” answer when it comes to deciding whether or not to spank. Further, attitudes toward corporal punishment vary based on a range of social and cultural factors, such as nationality, ethnicity, and religion. In fact, 31 countries have passed legislation completely banning corporal punishment, even in the home, and 70 other nations ban spanking in schools. In the U.S., 31 states have laws banning in-school corporal punishment. However, in-home corporal punishment, defined as “the use of physical force with the intention to cause a child to experience pain, but not injury, for the purpose of correction or the control of the child’s behavior — isn’t illegal.

If you can’t decide whether you adhere to the theory of “spare the rod, spoil the child” or prefer to take a gentler approach, here are a few ideas for consideration in effective parenting.

Why Spank?

Parents spank for many reasons. Some were spanked by their own parents. Others spank because it offers immediate results or because it’s simply the easiest option.

A 2010 study found that kids who were spanked before age six performed better in school and are more likely to go to college. However, the study also found that kids who were spanked after age six were more likely to exhibit behavioral problems.

Why Not Spank?

Most research shows that spanking has more negative than positive results. Multiple studies show that children who are spanked regularly tend to:

  • Be more aggressive toward their peers, family and future spouse and children
  • Believe that hitting is a solution to problems
  • Have a difficult time regulating themselves
  • Be at higher risk for low self-esteem, depression, anger, isolation, alcoholism, dependence and abusiveness

Effective Parenting Alternatives to Spanking

As an alternative to spanking, consider trying redirection and discipline first and viewing corporal punishment as a last resort. Ideas include:

  • Communicate with your child; ask them why they engaged in the misbehavior and really listen to their answer
  • Talk with your child rather than hitting; explain why the behavior is unacceptable or unsafe
  • Set a positive example; act the way you want your child to act
  • Focus on what your child does right; positive reinforcement, such as praise and rewards, has been proven to affect behavior more than punishment

If you’re struggling with the parenting issues and how effective parent, talking to a child psychologist may help.

Dr. Steven Lazarus is a licensed child psychologist in Littleton, Colorado. He can help your family work through issues together.

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Parents Guide to Parenting Stepchildren

Blended families face many struggles. Suspicion, anger and expectations often prevent the family from bonding. There is hope, though. With hard work and time, blended families can find success together.

Tips for Kids

Stepchildren often feel resentment toward the new parent, anger at their birth parent and suspicion toward siblings. They must learn to respect and trust both parents while bonding with their siblings.

For starters, kids must accept that their new family won’t mimic their old family. Everything’s going to change, and they must accept their new reality.

The kids also benefit from being civil. Avoidance, withdrawal or rude behavior won’t build the kind of family kids want. To earn respect, they must show respect to their parents and siblings.

Tips for Parents

Building a family that’s full of love and affection is a process that takes time. Effective parenting requires consistency. Parents must shower love, selflessness and kindness equally on the biological and step children. There’s no room for favoritism.

Meanwhile, the family benefits from building relationships with each other. Each parent should spend personal time with each child doing activities the children enjoy, and the entire family should hang out and play together regularly.

Sometimes, discipline is necessary. Both parents must unite and agree on the consequences when kids break the rules. The biological parent should administer any discipline, though.

Parents must also be aware of splitting. Kids may play their biological parents against each other or try to get their biological and stepparent to fight against each other. When parenting stepchildren, the parental unit must be united and resist confiding in the kids or badmouthing the other parent.

Being a step family isn’t always easy. Relationship building takes time. Patience, communication, success, and negotiation are all effective parenting tools.

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Animal Assisted Therapy with Dogs

It’s no secret that humans have long shared a special bond with dogs– perhaps even for as long as Homo-sapiens has been around as a species.

But did you know that our association with dogs actually offers a number of mental, emotional and physical benefits?

Anyone who has a pet dog might not be quite as shocked by this news; after all, as a pet owner, you’re probably already well aware of the unconditional love, non-judgmental acceptance, and unquestioning loyalty that dogs offer. You’ve likely also noticed the feelings of calm, peace and safe relaxation that you get when you’re spending time with your pet.

That’s just one of the reasons why animal assisted therapist services are growing in popularity. As the field expands, researchers are exploring the many benefits of pet therapy – and the results of these studies may surprise you!

Psychological Benefits of Pet Therapy and Therapy Dogs

Spending time with therapy dogs produces a number of mental health benefits, from enhanced relaxation to reduced stress and anxiety. Therapy dogs, or carefully selected dogs that undergo intense, individualized training, are used in a range of mental health settings. The animal assisted therapist can help many different issues.

With pet therapy, veterans suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder — or PTSD — learn how to relax, overcome feelings of agitation, and deal with anxiety.

Children who’ve experienced abuse or neglect or who live with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), autism, or attention-deficit-hyperactivity (ADHD) find a warm, loving friend that they can hold and pet – and that helps them to feel calm.

The research agrees; one study found that spending just 12 minutes with a therapy dog lowered anxiety by 24% and reduced levels of the stress hormone epinephrine by 17%.

Other studies indicate that exposure to therapy dogs can:

  • Alleviate stress
  • Promotes self-reliance and altruistic behavior
  • Reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness
  • Create feelings of trust, bonding and rapport
  • Help develop feelings of empathy for others

Physiological Benefits

But the benefits of pet therapy aren’t just psychological – sessions with an animal assisted therapist can actually make you healthier! Studies show that being around therapy dogs results in physiological benefits such as:

  • Lowered blood pressure
  • Decreased heart rate
  • Reduced risk of asthma
  • Eased Alzheimer’s symptoms
  • Lowered cholesterol and triglyceride levels

Pet therapy also makes the therapy process itself more relaxing. Starting therapy can feel awkward or even intimidating, but a warm, furry presence helps you to feel calm and safe. Dr. Steven Lazarus and his therapy dog, Zeke — a hypo-allergenic Labradoodle — provide a unique, friendly, and comfortable approach to dealing with issues.

See also:

15 Reasons Animal Assisted Therapy Works

The Furry Therapist

 

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4 Tips to Help You Get Respect From Your Teenager

One day it happens: your sweet little child turns into a teenager. For many parents, the teenage years are the hardest. Your child has suddenly developed a mind of his own, and if you thought he tested boundaries as a two year old, you won’t believe the kind of boundary testing that goes on during the teenage years. Even though it may seem like your teenager has transformed into an entirely different species, teenagers are not as hard to navigate as it may seem. If you find yourself exclaiming, “Help with my teen!” you are in luck. As an experienced teen psychologist, I have an inside look into teenage behavior and have discovered these simple parenting strategies can help you get respect from your teenager.

Acknowledge His Wants

Just like when your child was a toddler, he simply wants to know he is being heard. Even if he will not get what he is asking for, if he understands that you know what he wants, but it is just not possible because of X, Y, Z, he will be more willing to actually listen to what you are telling him.

Negotiate When Necessary

If you really need your teenager to do something, try making him an offer. Do what you have to do first, then you can do what you want. “You can go to your friend’s party if you clean your room first.” With negotiating, you both get what you want and everybody wins.

Give Him Your Trust

You have spent your child’s entire life teaching him right from wrong; it is important that you give him a chance to prove that he has been listening. If you never let him do anything he wants in fear of him making the wrong choice, he will never have the opportunity to make you proud by making the right choice.

Pick Your Battles

When dealing with a teenager, it is all about using your energy where it matters and letting the small things go. If you fight with him over every little thing, it will just pull you further apart.

If you follow these simple tips, you will soon be saying, “Thanks for the help with my teen! We are now closer than ever!”

Dr. Lazarus is a teen psychologist in Littleton, CO. He specializes in working with teenagers and families to develop healthy relationships.

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Parents guide to safe guarding computers for kids

Your kids rely on the Internet every day. As a parent, do you ever wonder how to keep your kids safe while they’re online? Incorporate parenting strategies that include computer safeguards, and help your kids safely surf the Internet.

Block Unsafe Sites

Even if your kids follow safe online practices, they could find dangerous sites by simply misspelling one word during an innocent search. Blocks on your computer help you implement effective parenting strategies and keep your kids safe.

Start by assigning your kids limited user accounts. With a unique log in and individual settings, your children can access age appropriate sites but can’t change parental controls.

To create limited user accounts on a Mac, open the Control Panel and click on System Preferences. Find Parental Controls and add or change the User Information. Under each user, set individual limits on the time your kids spend online, games they can access or sites they see.

Access Parental Controls on Windows through the Control Panel. Click the User Accounts and Family Safety then Parental Controls. Set up individual user accounts then add time limits, program blocks or game blocks for each user.

You’ll also want to safeguard the devices. If possible, set up the computer in a public area of your home, and give your kids cellphones without texting or data capabilities. Install Safe Eyes or another computer blocking tool that prevents your kids from opening inappropriate sites on their devices.

Be Proactive

Your kids are smart, and parenting teens requires you to be proactive. Ask other parents what they are doing? Consult with a tech person or sells software that protects your teen from exposure and temptations.

You’ll also want to learn how to set parental controls and find search history on your kids’ devices. Consider installing a monitoring system like PC Tattletale, and access websites, search and chat history, keystrokes and other information, even if your kids erase it.

Talk to Your Kids

Your kids, especially if they’re teenagers, may resist your efforts to monitor their online activities. Assure your children that while you love them, you also must keep them safe.

An Internet usage contract outlines safe online usage. Both you and your kids agree to acceptable Internet usage and the consequences for breaking the rules.

Keeping kids safe online is important. As soon as they’re old enough to get online, teach your kids how to surf safely. Then establish blocks and be proactive in safeguarding your computer.

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Helping my child during a divorce

When you’re going through a divorce, your kids feel strong emotions that are difficult for them to process, understand or express. They may act out or withdraw as they deal with their emotions. They may even try to get you back together. No matter what actions your children display, you can use several parenting strategies to help your kids cope with your divorce.

Explain the Changes

Because of the divorce, life as they know it is about to turn upside down. While you don’t want to keep the truth from them, don’t overwhelm your kids with all the messy details of your divorce. Use age-appropriate language to tell your kids that their parents will no longer be living together. If possible, have this talk before you separate.

Reaffirm Your Love

Your kids may fear that mommy and daddy no longer love them since they no longer love each other. Reaffirm your love in tangible way so your kids feel secure during the changes your family faces.

  • Regularly spend time with each child doing an activity or hobby they enjoy.
  • Try to keep traditions like bedtime stories, weekly dinner out or birthday parties.
  • Act civil to your spouse and never bad mouth the other parent.
  • Take care of yourself so that your able to be the best parent possible
  • Keep adult issues at the adult level and never put your children in the middle
  • Use mediation as a non confrontational approach to resolving the legal divorce quickly

Encourage Communication

In the midst of the divorce, your children may be unable to express their feelings verbally. They may act out, though, with anger, aggression or withdraw.

Help your kids process the divorce with assistance from a child psychologist. He can use art, play and other tools to help your kids express their emotions in a positive way. He can also help your entire family heal emotionally and provide you with parenting strategies.

A divorce isn’t easy on anyone. You and your kids will get through it, though, as you exercise effective parenting strategies that help your kids navigate the changes.

Dr. Lazarus is a licensed psychologist who specializes in helping children and parents work through divorce issues.

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