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How to Get More Out of Your Therapy Experience

Successful psychologists help people everyday. Some people attend just a few therapy sessions and learn the take-home skills they need to move through challenging times, others enjoy the process and interactive experience of sharing thoughts and feelings on a regular basis. And then there are people who say “why go talk to a stranger? I never get anything out of it!” For those of you in this last group, you are not alone! As a n expert in ADHD counseling and animal assisted therapy in Highlands Ranch, Dr. Lazarus has helped thousands of people to feel better. These tips will help you to get the most out of your therapy experience, no matter what your challenges are.

Find a therapist you mesh with.

Finding a good “fit” between you and your therapist is so important. This is the person that you should be able to tell your deepest fears, darkest desires, and most embarrassing moments—so you need to feel comfortable. Interviews, phone calls, and the first session are a great way to see if you match personality-wise, and a few questions can make sure your therapist will meet your needs. Does your therapist specialize or have good familiarity with your specific concerns? Do their treatment approaches resonate with yours? There is more than one way to skin a cat, and definitely more than one way to benefit from therapy, so find what works for you. Speaking of animals, if you haven’t had luck with therapy in the past, consider animal assisted therapy. Our fluffy friends are natural therapists.

Have at least one clear goal.

Ever hear the saying “if you don’t know where you want to go, you’ll go there anyway?” Make sure you work toward what you want by having at least one clear goal. Not sure what you’re feeling? Share this with your therapist and your first goal can be “find the biggest problem in my life that I want to change.” Yes, finding a goal can be your goal! This is not to say that you can never get off-track, but working toward a common goal is rewarding and effective. If you come seeking couples therapy, you may find yourself working toward multiple goals to improve your relationship.

Communicate clearly.

Do you like something your therapist does? Hate something? Let them know! While psychologists in Littleton are experts in behavior, we are not mind readers, and everyone wants something different. If you want to talk, nearly uninterrupted, for the entire session, let your therapist know. If you’re tired of talking and want concrete skills you can practice and accomplish each day, say it! Your psychologist only knows if treatment is working or not if you tell them.

To start on your therapy process today, or just to find out more about your options, give Dr. Lazarus a call. He and his therapy dog Zeke will be happy to give you a fresh, new therapy experience that can change your life!

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Harness Summer Learning With These Tips

With school out for the summer, children everywhere rejoice! At the same time, parents and educators tend to worry about the same problem: Where will all that new learning go? This is particularly true for children with ADHD, who not only have academic skills that have grown over the school year, but skills in terms of self-management, organization, and responsibility. Parents who bring their children to Littleton for ADHD counseling often ask “how can I keep my child’s brain active and engaged over the summer?”

Fortunately, the answer doesn’t need to involve summer school. It doesn’t even need to involve homework! In fact, there are plenty of fun ways to help your child maintain growths in learning, practice executive skills, and be prepared for the next school year without ever lifting a pencil! Read on to find out some of the best activities to keep learning active!

Math

Math requires a lot of remembering, so it makes sense that students will lose a little over the summer. Spice your child’s summer break up with some alternative math ideas! For younger children, quick reviews can help maintain gains. Consider asking your soon-to-be fourth grader to help you figure out how many hot dog buns to buy for the family picnic if 12 people are coming and each will eat two hot dogs, or have your middle school student learn financial skills  by calculating the tip at your favorite restaurant—without a calculator.

Science

With nothing to do all day, your children will have plenty of time to explore the natural world around them. To make it more exciting, consider staging a scavenger hunt, outdoor dissection, grow a garden, or even raise some animals, depending on where you live. This is the chance to interact with the environment.

Reading

The secret to raising a reader is to help them love reading. Model reading yourself, and seek out fun things that appeal to your child. They don’t have to read Shakespeare this summer—graphic novels, comics, or other “non-academic” pieces are perfect for summer fun. Check out your local library for reading promotions with prizes!

Social Studies

A vacation to a historic site or political area can leave memories for a lifetime, and your child will have the best “what I did last summer” essay ever!

Executive or Organizational Skills

Most ADHD counselors in Littleton will tell you that children with ADHD tend to do better with structure and routines. But tell your teen that you’re going to keep the school-year schedule all summer, and you may be in for a battle! Instead, work with your existing schedule and emphasize flexibility. Remind them how some routines (such as showering or tidying up the living space) continue year-round, and encourage the same self-management tools  you have used throughout the school year for summer management—those summer camps, marathon sleepovers, swim lessons, and more can be planned and prepared for just like anything else, and are usually easier to prepare for as well.

If you feel like your child has typically “lost” more learning over the summer than other children, your child may benefit from a psychological assessment to better understand strengths and limitations to learning. To find out more, or to discuss parenting and behavior management tips, contact Dr. Lazarus.

 

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Passive Aggressive Pitfalls

“Everything all right, honey? You seem a little… off.”

“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be fine? Is there a reason I might not be fine?”

If you’ve ever found yourself and your significant other having a conversation like the one above, you know that “fine” may not mean “fine” at all… and those questions aren’t rhetorical! Passive aggression can get the best of us, but they don’t bring out the best in our relationships with those we love. Read on to find out the top pitfalls that couples therapists in Littleton know are caused by passive aggression and how to beat them with clear, appropriate communication.

Message delivered, message received. At its most simple level passive aggressive communication can be misinterpreted easily. Many couples come in for counseling or couples therapy in Highlands Ranch because they can’t say what they want—at times, the other person may not even know there is a problem to begin with. When we say things that are not true to our feelings (“I’m fine” when you’re frustrated; “that sounds good” when you hate the idea), we are not giving the other person the information they need to make the right decisions. Instead, state your words clearly, trying to avoid blame. Active listening can help. 

I’ll never get it right. For the person on the “receiving end” of passive aggression, a feeling of hopelessness may occur. No matter what they do, the person being passive aggressive just keeps getting angry—and sometimes, gets more passive aggressive if the other person does not interpret the hidden message. This can lead to deep sadness, increase feelings of depression, and break down the trust in your relationship. Instead, focus on seeking and providing clear feedback. “Another healthy meal, as usual” is less helpful than saying “I really wish we could start cooking healthier meals for the kids, including vegetables and protein, even though I know they just want jam sandwiches and tater tots for every meal.” Making a genuine appreciation of effort is also important (“I’m glad to see Picky Child is eating something other than juice today, so maybe the jam sandwiches weren’t such a bad meal for tonight”).

I feel like nobody listens. The person being passive aggressive is not 100% at fault. If you feel like nobody listens, no matter how many dirty looks, irritated grunts, or “clearly” sarcastic responses you are throwing their way, you can start to feel unappreciated. In fact, most people who fall back on passive aggression often feel frustrated, ignored, and resentful. The more “unheard” you feel, the more you likely fall back on this strategy. The problem is: it doesn’t work. Just like putting out a fire with gasoline, it is quite difficult to make someone listen with passive aggression. Instead, consider writing an honest letter to your partner, or contact a psychologist in Highlands Ranch for animal assisted therapy. Zeke, Dr. Lazarus’s expert therapy dog , can help you learn to both “speak” and to “be quiet” when you need to.

Human beings are gifted with one of the most complex communication systems in existence. However, we are not always good at using our words, thoughts, or feelings effectively. When our goals seem impossible, we learn ways around them—and these “shortcuts” are not always effective in other situations. Redirect your communications around these shortcuts and back on a path to honesty and collaboration that will keep your relationship strong. If you need more help, contact Steve Lazarus, a psychologist in Littleton.

 

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Beat Stress with These Top Tips

If you’ve ever visited with a psychologist or therapist in Highlands Ranch, you know that we meet with people who are struggling with all sorts of different challenges. Sometimes people come in with specific concerns or life issues that they would like to work on, other times, they come with a simple request: “I’m stressed and I want it to stop!”

Stress is a normal part of life, and I have yet to meet anyone who has never experienced stress. Stress helps us to identify the need to take action, whether that is getting that big project done at work before your boss gets angry, helping your kids learn and behave effectively at school, or dealing with your romantic partner. However, if your life contains too much stress, you may find yourself becoming irritable, angry, and having more health problems! Fortunately, working with a psychologist in Littleton can help you to fix these stress areas and feel better. While you’re waiting for your next appointment, try these top stress busters.

  1. Get moving! If your idea of exercise is the long walk to the garage to get into the car, you’re probably not getting enough exercise. Walking for just 30 minutes a day has been found to improve mood and relieve stress. It can also help you to sleep.
  2. Budget your energy. You make a budget for your finances, why not your valuable time and energy? Lists or planners can be helpful for this, because you can write down what you need to do each day—and what you would “like” to do, if you have time. Focus on getting the needs done, and don’t feel guilty if you skip the “like to do” section—if you have budgeted your time and energy well, this will fit in another day.
  3. Read a book. The act of reading promotes quiet, calm, and focus—all stress-relieving things! Just 20 minutes of quiet reading can lower stress by up to 68%, making this classic leisure activity even more effective than listening to music or drinking a hot cup of tea.
  4. Embrace nothingness. Many American households operate like Times Square—always on, always bright, and always loud! If you feel like you can’t get a moment of peace, it’s probably because you can’t. Change that by dedicating at least 10 minutes a day to quiet. Whether you do this at night after the kids have gone to bed or make it a family tradition, taking just a few minutes to relax, breath, and think without the constant stimulation can reduce stress effectively.

If you have tried these things and they don’t work, or if you feel like your stress is unmanageable on your own, contact a psychologist. Dr. Lazarus and Zeke, his trained therapy dog, provide animal assisted therapy for clients in Littleton and Highlands Ranch. You can live a relaxing, fulfilling life in spite of stress!

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Why You May Be Better Off Skipping Insurance for Therapy

No insurance?

As a busy psychologist in Littleton, I work to provide the best treatment at an affordable cost. For many, this means working with and utilizing health insurance benefits to pay for therapy costs. Especially since many new mental health and substance abuse treatment options have become part of “standard” healthcare packages in the few years due to recent federal policy changes, more and more people are seeking mental health providers in Colorado who take health insurance. While this does have the potential to save your family money on these costs, there are also some reasons why you might be better off skipping the insurance for therapy. Read on to find out the most common health insurance issues my patients in couples therapy and ADHD counseling in Littleton have experienced.

  1. Long waits. Many insurance providers are booked up, often for months! If you have a time-sensitive mental health need, waiting until the next season to get help may not work for you.
  2. Mental illness diagnosis. Unlike your physician or pediatrician’s office, your insurance does not allow you to head into a psychologist’s office for a “check up” or even “follow up.” In fact, without a diagnosed mental illness, your insurance won’t cover your costs. This can be very difficult for parents seeking to learn new parent strategies from a child behavior psychologist, or for couples who simply want to learn how to communicate better. Speaking of couples…
  3. …Only one person in the couple is the “patient.” The way that health insurance works is to code couple’s counseling sessions the same as an individual counseling session with a family member present—just like you might have if you were very depressed and needed a family member to help explain your current functioning. This means that one partner must be designated as the “patient,” while the other is simply “attending” the session.
  4. Pre-existing conditions. Mental health diagnoses can be considered pre-existing conditions. Something as simple as chatting briefly with a counselor in Highlands Ranch for ADHD counseling can indicate to your insurance company that you’ve had this problem—and may hinder you from getting competitive rates in the future.
  5. Time vs. money. With health insurance comes paperwork, phone calls, and a lot of time spent making sure you meet your deductibles, pay only your co-pay, and do not exceed your yearly limits. Some insurance companies may ask that you submit additional paperwork to “prove” that you still need services. At the end of the day, you may find that your health insurance covers so little that you may have been better using a Health Savings Account or Flex Spending Account to cover these costs.
  6. Confidentiality and Control. When you meet with a mental health provider, you are told that your information remains confidential, private, and protected by law… with certain exceptions, including compliance with health insurance requests and requirements. While your psychologist will work to keep your information as confidential as possible, we cannot control the actions of your health insurance company. For 100% peace of mind about your health information, self-pay protects you the best.

Dr. Steve Lazarus provides counseling and couple’s therapy in Littleton and Highlands Ranch. While he does take some health insurance, he encourages all clients to weigh the pros and cons of using this sort of payment, and is open to discussing these concerns further in a free, 15-minute phone consultation.

[AC1]http://www.drstevenlazarus.com/2017/02/28/depressed-or-just-sad-the-difference-and-when-to-seek-help/

[AC2]http://www.drstevenlazarus.com/2016/04/21/the-parents-guide-to-strengthening-the-husband-wife-bond/

 

 

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Annoying Habits that Might Have a Purpose

Anyone who has or works with kids knows that they can do some pretty annoying things—in fact, most parents state that their children have at least one annoying habit that they would love to make disappear. But before you start digging out the reinforcements, you may want to consider the purpose of these annoying habits! That’s right, some of the most annoying things that your children do actually do serve a purpose—and those purposes might surprise you.

Putting things in their mouths. From thumbs, to fingernails, to pencils, some kids just love to put something in their mouth whenever they get the chance. For parents, this is not only annoying, but may trigger concerns about germs. The surprising finding? Kids who engaged in nail-biting or thumb sucking in childhood are less likely to have allergies by the time they reach their 30s, making this a potential immune booster.

Keeping a messy room, desk, locker, or other space. Do you feel like you are constantly begging for clean? Is it a battle to clear a walkway? If so, you may think your child is doomed to a life of disorganization . While this may or may not end up being true, recent research has found that messy people are often more goal-oriented—the effort that some would spend keeping a tidy space gets redirected into seeking order and goal achievement elsewhere. Turns out, your kid was right when he said “but mom, I have good grades even though my room is messy!”

Um… like… uh… If you have teens, you probably recognize these terms, otherwise known as “filler words.” Little sounds that fill in during a conversation are quite popular amongst teens, and can make even the most patient of listeners cringe. We have all been taught not to use these terms in presentations, but recent research actually shows that listeners understand and remember a speech better when there are a few filler words included, and that people who are highly conscientious often use these words in their conversations.

Chewing gum. Parents might remember the days when gum in school was linked with sticking on their noses—others just remember the “smack, smack, POP” noise that their children make  while chewing gum. But before you lose your cool à la the musical Chicago, consider this: kids who chew gum are more likely to feel awake and alert, which can help to support Littleton ADHD counseling. Some studies show that those who chew gum report a better mood and reduced stress hormones.

Do your kids have any of these annoying habits? By considering them from an adaptive, purpose-serving framework, you may just find yourself being a little more understanding… or at least resisting the urge to rip your hair out! Of course, any habit, big or small, that causes distress or poor functioning at school, at home, or with friends should be brought up with a trained child behavior psychologist in Littleton. Otherwise, try to see the silver lining—and don’t forget, adults have annoying habits, too!

If your child is showing a destructive or problematic behavior that goes beyond “annoying,” contact Dr. Steve Lazarus today to find out how to live a happier, healthier life!

[AC1]http://www.drstevenlazarus.com/2016/09/06/tips-to-keep-your-child-with-adhd-organized-this-school-year/

[AC2]http://www.drstevenlazarus.com/2017/05/01/how-noise-increases-your-stress-and-what-to-do-about-it/

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Teach Your Kids to Set SMART Goals for the New Year

Setting “New Year’s Resolutions” is a tradition in many families, and for good reason: resolutions draw attention to the behavior that we would like to change and provide great motivation to do so. Unfortunately, most of the resolutions your kids make will likely fizzle out within a few days or weeks. While this is true for all children, children we see in Littleton with ADHD often struggle the most with following through with plans and staying organized. To help your child meet their goals, New Year’s or otherwise, consider helping them learn how to set SMART goals.

The acronym “SMART” comes from the business world, and refers to setting goals that are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. For small children, the phrase “actually doable” can replace “attainable.” The idea is that, by setting better goals, behavior can be changed more easily. Consider this example: Your 10 year old is a motivated student, but always ends up turning in his math homework late because he forgets it. His New Year’s resolution is “turn my math homework in on time.” To change this into a SMART goal, the first thing that must be adjusted is the specificity. What is your child going to do to get that homework in on time? Is he going to put it in a special folder each night after mom and dad check it? Can he set a quiet reminder on his watch or phone to help him remember? Can he structure his environment so it is impossible to forget—such as by putting the math homework in the way of pencils and other tools? By being more specific, success is more likely!

The next elements that would improve this child’s goal-setting is to make it measurable—and, along with this, attainable and realistic. While some may strive for perfection, parents can help to set reasonable goals—and to update them over time! For example, if the child only manages to get his homework in on time once per week, a good goal might be to get it in on time three days per week. If he does well, the goal can always be changed! Finally, set a time-limit so the goal is not an endless chore. Good markers occur naturally, such as “for the month of January” or “until Spring Break,” and can be a good reminder to update goals.

SMART goal planning is not only a great way to express goals, it is a great way to process them mentally and ensure that all the steps are considered. For adults, this might come naturally, but kids can benefit from some assistance. If you are skilled in this area, teach these skills to your children; if you need more help, consider consulting with a Littleton child behavior psychologist for a parent and child skills boost. Dr. Lazarus has helped people old and young to feel more confident, achieve goals, and enjoy life to its fullest.

 

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How to Help a Loved One with Depression

Those who are familiar with pop psychology know the trend: People get more depressed and even suicidal around the holidays. Unfortunately, this pop-psych trend is based in reality. People do report increasing rates of depression around this time of year, and for a variety of reasons. For some, the short days, cold weather, and lack of sunlight can contribute to seasonal depression; for others, all those images of happy friends and family can be a reminder of what is wrong in their lives. At the time when the media is screaming at everyone to be happy for the holidays, those who are depressed only face constant reminders of the fact that they cannot be happy. One of the most common questions that people ask their Littleton couples therapist is how they can help. Here are some ways to help your loved one with depression this holiday season.

  1. Remember, depression is a mental health condition, not a mood or temporary state. Telling someone to “cheer up” or “smile” will not change their depression. It may make them act happier or look happier temporarily, but they are only putting on this happy mask to make you feel better. Inside, they likely feel worse for having to “fake it.” Instead, acknowledge and respect their feelings while offering to engage. Consider a statement such as: “I know the holidays are hard for you. If you need someone to talk to, or if you want to spend some time together to take your mind off of it, I’m here.”
  2. Keep inviting them, even if they don’t show. People get frustrated with depressed friends and family members because they often decline invitations or fail to show up. While this is hurtful to the person doing the inviting, most people who are depressed see these messages, wish they could go, but ultimately do not feel well, similar to how someone with the flu might respond. However, the invitation (and reminders!) shows them that you still want them to be there, even if they can’t make it. Besides, they might show up!
  3. Learn the warning signs for suicide. While they are different for different people, some common ones talking about feeling hopeless and helpless, feeling they have no purpose, feeling they are a burden to family and friends, sleeping all day or not at all, withdrawing from others, using substances more than usual, or becoming edgy or reckless. Most importantly, those who talk about wanting to die, wanting to kill themselves, or exploring means of suicide are at high risk. Never fear asking your friend or family member directly: “Are you thinking of killing yourself?” You will not “give them the idea,” you will give them the chance to seek help and sort through their feelings. If you feel that your loved one is in immediate danger of hurting themselves or others, you can always call 9-1-1 nationwide or call/text the Colorado Crisis Services at 844-493-8255 for help.
  4. Assist in getting help. While many people with depression are already in treatment or not interested, many people benefit from it but are unable to access it. If your loved one is depressed and you are worried, it is not inappropriate to ask if they need help finding, setting up an appointment with, or even getting to a skilled psychologist. Seeking counseling in Highlands Ranch or attending animal assisted therapy can bring major, positive changes to the life of someone with depression.

If you are feeling depressed, or if your loved one is depressed and would like a skilled couples and animal assisted therapist in Littleton or Highlands Ranch, consider giving Dr. Steve Lazarus a call at 303-267-2194. He has helped many people recover from mental health problems and live a full, healthy life.

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The Psychologist’s Guide to Gift-Giving for Kids

As the holiday season is in full-swing, many parents are wondering what to get the kids as gifts. Decades ago, gifts were a special occasion, and were likely to include anything from toys, to clothing, to uncommon fruits sold only during the holidays. However, today’s capitalistic culture means that these “gifts” are now found in everyday purchases. Chances are, your kids aren’t excited about a new pair of gym socks or a juicy orange, because these sorts of things are now viewed as necessities. In fact, toys are purchased just as often, which can lead parents, family, and friends wondering just what they can still buy for the kids… and, more importantly, what will be a valuable addition to the child’s growth. If you’ve met with a Littleton child behavior psychologist lately, you know that too much “stuff” can be a burden, and that many kids today are becoming overly materialistic. Here are some of the best gift-giving tips to help your child grow and succeed!

  1. Give experiences, not commodities. If your kids are buried under mountains of toys they never play with, give them something that will stand out—an exciting experience doing something they love! For example, consider taking a little one with an army of toy dinosaurs to visit a dinosaur museum, bring a teen with hair accessories strewn all over to the hair salon, schedule some time at the batting cages, go sledding—the sky is your limit! This shows the child that you value him enough to want to spend time with him, not just spend money. For “something to open up,” consider wrapping the tickets in a creative manner or including a little something that will be needed at the experience (a baseball bat for the batting cages, a new scarf for the sledding excursion, etc.).
  2. Give the joy of giving. People feel good when they give to others. Share this joy by taking a child with you on a volunteer trip! There are so many holiday opportunities at food kitchens, gift collections, coat collections, and so on. These are great opportunities to develop and practice strong social skills.
  3. Give gifts that promote connection. For example, a board game is pretty boring for one, but a great chance for family to engage. Some other great ideas include cooking sets, construction/building sets, or other activities made for two or more.
  4. Make “re-gifting” a family activity. We all have stuff we don’t use… challenge each family member to re-gift at least one possession to others who might use them more or like them better, emphasizing the fact that presents do not have to be new to be appreciated by someone else.

Of course, never be too inflexible! If your child is in love with the newest stuffed toy of the season, would climb a mountain to get credit for a video game, or anything else, this is still an okay time to splurge—however, for those who just seem “over” their material goods or need a boost toward something more meaningful, these ideas can help. To find out more about child development, check back on the blog regularly or call Dr. Steve Lazarus for children’s play therapy in highlands ranch.

Categories: parenting strategies, psychology news

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Sleep Hygiene 101

Are you getting enough sleep? If you’re like most Americans—you aren’t! Sleep is a vital function for any living animal, including humans, and it plays an important role in thinking, regulating mood, maintaining immunity to disease, and generally feeling your best. No matter how important sleep is, however, many people do not get the recommended amount of sleep needed to feel their best. That’s why, when Dr. Lazarus, who provides counseling in Highlands Ranch for couples therapy, often asks about the sleep patterns of the adults and the children in the house. Your sleep is so important for your health that you should think about it as well!

  • Here are some signs that you are not getting enough sleep:
  • You view your alarm clock as your enemy
  • You struggle to wake up and feel confused or foggy
  • You find yourself dozing off at work, school, or while driving
  • You get sick more than you used to
  • You are getting less than 7 hours of sleep per night (although some people need up to ten hours of sleep to feel their best)
  • You sleep in on weekends
  • You fall asleep in the evenings while reading or watching TV
  • You feel irritable or argue with your partner more often

If any of these apply to you, you may be suffering from sleep deprivation. For some, getting enough sleep is as simple as setting a “bedtime” for yourself—yes, even adults can benefit from bedtime! But for others, bedtime is a dread period of staring at the ceiling, tossing and turning, and wondering why you’re still awake. To practice good sleep hygiene, try these top tips:

Stick to a routine—every day. As much as sleeping in on weekends is a popular idea and practice, this throws your body off. Find a reasonable time to go to sleep and wake up, and stick to it!

Cool your sleeping area. We sleep best in cooler spaces, so turn down the heat, crank up the AC, or turn on a fan. Still chilly? Try a warm blanket or warm pair of socks.

Develop a calming routine. We need to “wind down” before we sleep—so start with a calming bedtime routine. This may involve taking a soothing bath, listening to calming music, reading quietly, or convincing a partner to give you a massage. Keep noise to a minimum. Whatever helps you relax, make it a routine, and then your body will follow.

Switch off the screens. Electronic light messes with your body’s natural rhythms. For at least an hour before bed, avoid TVs, computers, phones, tablets, and so on. Boring? Perfect for sleeping!

Remember, sleep deprivation can make you less efficient, more moody, and more likely to get sick. If you experience severe sleep problems, snore excessively, or stop breathing at night, contact your physician. If you would like to find out more about proper sleep hygiene, consider setting up an appointment with a therapist in Lone Tree. Dr. Lazarus can help you to build a healthy sleep schedule and other healthy patterns for the fullest in life!

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